Welcome to My New Blog! Be sure to leave comments for me. I'm excited to hear from you!
Aug 21 17

Yay

by Amy Cubbison

I finally got back in to my blog. I was locked out for a while. As you probably know I do not love technology but I do love my new iPhone……………Yes I am now an Iphonie…………I hesitated for so long but now I get it. Lucky that Raymond bought it for me or I probably would still be swearing and screaming at my piece of shit Android.  So yes that is exciting news….and also Raymond bought me some Lulu Lemon yoga clothes…………..another first. I cant bring myself to spend that kind of money on yoga or exercise clothes………..I would say that all in my life is peachy keen but not so……………I am asking for some necessary documentation from our family trust where I am a beneficiary and I am being ignored. I have also upset my mother so I have not spoken to her in a couple of months. Me with my abandonment issues-this is not fairing well with me and I wake up daily with a literally aching broken heart……………..I also miss my father all day long, everyday. I could work on a soap opera as I can cry on que. I just have to think of my dear father in heaven.

On a positive note, my boys are back from England and they had a fabulous time meeting and visiting their relatives. I missed them terribly and it was hard to let them go but we all learned invaluable lessons………..they are safe back and wiser.

I decided to prevent the empty nest syndrome which I am sure to have, I signed myself up for Graduate school to become an MFT. I start in October…….Excited and nervous. Ciao for now.xo

Jul 25 17

Missing my Dad

by Amy Cubbison

I am missing my father more than ever. At least I get to see him in my dreams nightly.  I feel like I am lonely these days as my children are more interested in their friends than hanging out with me. I knew it was bound to happen but it still crept up on me.  They need me when they want a ride or a meal.:) I should and am happy they are independent, well adjust people but I still can complain and miss them.:)  Time to focus on Momma’s future……

May 14 17

Mother’s Day. What it means to me to be a Mom.

by Amy Cubbison
  1. Happy Mother’ day to all Moms and it is the hardest job in the world but my favorite job in the world. What motherhood means to me. The most love I have ever felt in one instance was when i saw my first born William. This rush of sheer love ran all throughout my body. I had never experienced that before and the fact that this beautiful little soul was for me to love and take care of filled me up with joy. I could not believe God sent him to me, and that nobody could take him away from me. I knew in an instant if it came to my life or his life, i would surrender mine right away. I thought I could never relive that experience of surmounting love until I had Jac, and Kaylee. Suddenly my heart for one, was open to loving the same about of love for each, but multiplied exponentially. Having children gave me a purpose I was destined for and although I have had at times made some large regretful mistakes I can honestly say that mothering is what I feel that I was made to do…………….My goal as a mother have always been to, build their confidence so that they believe in themselves, do what they love, enjoy each and every minute of life and try to see the world as a half full glass. To stand up for themselves but be kind and make the world a little better of a place by contributing some how. I am so proud of all three of my children especially the hurdle William has gone through……..I thank God daily for their well being and belief in themselves. Even though I do not like the tittle and I hope it is NOT anytime soon…………..I look forward to being a hands on grandmother and although I wish for my children to have their own healthy lives, i hope to be a regular part of it…………and a person and place they can always return to , to get filled up with love…….Happy Mother’ day to all Moms and it is the hardest job in the world but my favorite job in the world. What motherhood means to me. The most love I have ever felt in one instance was when i saw my first born William. This rush of sheer love ran all throughout my body. I had never experienced that before and the fact that this beautiful little soul was for me to love and take care of filled me up with joy. I could not believe God sent him to me, and that nobody could take him away from me. I knew in an instant if it came to my life or his life, i would surrender mine right away. I thought I could never relive that experience of surmounting love until I had Jac, and Kaylee. Suddenly my heart for one, was open to loving the same about of love for each, but multiplied exponentially. Having children gave me a purpose I was destined for and although I have had at times made some large regretful mistakes I can honestly say that mothering is what I feel that I was made to do…………….My goal as a mother have always been to, build their confidence so that they believe in themselves, do what they love, enjoy each and every minute of life and try to see the world as a half full glass. To stand up for themselves but be kind and make the world a little better of a place by contributing some how. I am so proud of all three of my children especially the hurdle William has gone through……..I thank God daily for their well being and belief in themselves. Even though I do not like the tittle and I hope it is NOT anytime soon…………..I look forward to being a hands on grandmother and although I wish for my children to have their own healthy lives, i hope to be a regular part of it…………and a person and place they can always return to , to get filled up with love…….
Apr 24 17

A busy but good day

by Amy Cubbison

Mama is tired today……..but I feel very productive. I had a little coffee time with Deanna after I dropped the kids and made them breakfast………then I got my car washed, went to grocery store, hit the post office and other errands for all, worked out, Picked up Jac, and then Kaylee. Came home cleaned the kitchen, did four loads of laundry, took Kaylee to dance, then came back and cleaned kitchen again, made dinner, fed Will, cleaned my room, and the bathroom……….I liked it better when I did not notice things were dirty. ha ha. jk………Now I am going to Netflix it and write in my memoir and feel deserving of it

I am so proud of my new found love ha ha no (semi like) of cleaning, that I want my kids to notice as soon as they enter the door. Unfortunately they do not……I yawn and moan to show them I have worked hard to day only to go undiscovered again……..But boy do they notice when I do not do something!!

it

Mar 21 17

Ever changing me, as the way it should be

by Amy Cubbison

I have let people treat me poorly a lot of my life. To me that just meant try hard for them to like me or see what other’s see. I was also taken advantage of in many ways especially monetarily. I have learned a lot over the past eight years and have regrets. These regrets have helped me to change. My mother has always called me a marsh mellow/ wounded soul, and disliked how sensitive I am. That has not helped matters. Being sensitive is a beautiful thing. I feel things deeply. I just have learned there are times to be sensitive and times to not be. I no longer trust everyone. I speak my mind when it is something important. I don’t work for people to like me. I communicate my feelings often even if the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I comment when I think others treat me poorly and I even walk away from some. The difficult thing is there is back lash from that. I have more arguments. I get termed difficult at times. I get angry sometimes instead of getting depressed. Sometimes I use my words wrong and or my timing is off. People find it uncomfortable when someone who use to be a yes person, starts to say no, or have a comment. I Have been called Spoiled Brat for expressing my needs. But once again many times people react harshly to your communicating it is an issue with them. Good communication comes when you let someone have their feelings, validate them and then look at your part of it and decide to change or not. I am a mix of many things and there are a multitude of sides to me. I am always striving balance as we are all………and I think I am achieving that a little more each I have let people treat me poorly a lot of my life. To me that just meant try hard for them to like me or see what other’s see. I was also taken advantage of in many ways especially monetarily. I have learned a lot over the past eight years and have regrets. These regrets have helped me to change. My mother has always called me a marsh mellow/ wounded soul, and disliked how sensitive I am. That has not helped matters. Being sensitive is a beautiful thing. I feel things deeply. I just have learned there are times to be sensitive and times to not be. I no longer trust everyone. I speak my mind when it is something important. I don’t work for people to like me. I communicate my feelings often even if the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I comment when I think others treat me poorly and I even walk away from some. The difficult thing is there is back lash from that. I have more arguments. I get termed difficult at times. I get angry sometimes instead of getting depressed. Sometimes I use my words wrong and or my timing is off. People find it uncomfortable when someone who use to be a yes person, starts to say no, or have a comment. I Have been called Spoiled Brat for expressing my needs. But once again many times people react harshly to your communicating it is an issue with them. Good communication comes when you let someone have their feelings, validate them and then look at your part of it and decide to change or not. I am a mix of many things and there are a multitude of sides to me. I am always striving balance as we are all………and I think I am achieving that a little more each day

Feb 21 17

Proud Mom

by Amy Cubbison

I have to brag but shh don’t tell Will. On Valentine’s he bought his girlfriend a dozen roses and interrupted her class to present them to her….awe……..then yesterday I heard him say to Kaylee,’We need to spend more time together, after all you need to learn from me how to how a guy should treat you so you have a good relationship in the future.!” last but not least Will told me today, that he is so happy I always was his cheerleader and built him up because he believes a lot of his confidence comes from me supporting him emotionally………#ProudMom #sometimesitisallworthit #makingUpThisHashtagAsIgo

Feb 21 17

Summer’s Down the Shore (entry from my Memoir_

by Amy Cubbison
Every weekend in the summer we would go down to our shore home in Ocean City, NJ. I dreaded the two hour drive through smelly down town Philadelphia. I remember seeing tons of pollution in the air. My father usually drove me and one of my friends down there. Each friend would try and hint for me to take them down the shore with me on weekends.
My one of a kind Dad would often pick up hitchhikers along the way and then lecture them for hitchhiking, smoking and drugs. He was always exercising on the steering wheel by doing isometrics. He was always pulled over by the police and nine times out of ten, he got out of it. I would look over and my Dad would have the policeman trying his exercise wheel. This all happened each weekend on our journey to the Ocean City.  We were just happy to arrive alive. My Dad drove like Mr. Magoo and I inherited that trait unfortunately.  My favorite part of the drive was when my dad took the Parkway exit.   I knew that meant we were very close and about to partake in some yumminess! It was called the Parkay Deli.  I would always get the same thing. A French roll with turkey, lettuce, mayonnaise and American cheese. It was the most delicious sandwich ever.  My Dad would get his favorite Tasty cakes and Coke.
My Father loved chocolate almost as much as he loved me. When we arrived Ocean City I was so excited. I loved going to the shore for many reasons. The main one probably being that my parents were together there and we did family things. The town Ocean City was and is a dry town. It is very family oriented, with beautiful white large beaches. The sand dunes were gorgeous. Everyone keeps their homes very nice. On Sundays my Dad would take my friend and I to the boardwalk. We would rent bikes and when we got to the end of the boardwalk there were a couple shops that made homemade tiny donuts. We would watch them be made and drop in the oil. They would come out warm and we would dip in our coffee.
A major part of my childhood happiness was going down the shore in the summer. We owned a condo in Ocean City, New Jersey. The town was a dry town so no alcohol was allowed.  That kept the rif raf out. It was a safe conservative town.  All of the houses were lined up perfectly with perfect land scaping. They were cape cod style and there was no such thing as a dump.  People took such pride in their homes and decorated them with sea shells. There were four main streets parallel to the ocean. The streets went from first street until about 60th. It was hard to get lost there.
All year I would look forwrd to that time down the shore.  Our family would all go to the beach together. We had big rafts, and would be in the ocean the entire day. I remember my father pulling us in this big raft thinking he was the strongest man in the world. He would have a huge smile on his face although my mother always made him take us.  We would fly kites and enjoy the innocence of the time. The best was when the ice cream man came or even better the food truck. They were ahead of the times. They had yummy hot dogs, Italian water ice, soft pretzels and more (when I moved to California they did not have this ad I never understood why)  One of our favorite things to do was to put pennies on the railroad track and then get them after the train past.  An activity that I would not wish on my children or any children for that matter.
My mother was always studying as she was in law school. I remember her with her yellow highlighter where she marked the important parts in her book. She was always sitting on her bright yellow, plastic recylining chair. I would sit right next to her on the chair. It was always after I got out of the water and I was cold. I would put my new terri cloth robe and and my mother would have hers on. My mother would also always bring down a delicious salad and orange juice and tonic water. She would make sandwiches that were filled with anything good. They always had so much flavor and were loaded with pickles, relish, mustard, and a lean sliced meat. (not processed)   My mom had a nack for making good sandwiches. She still does to this day. I always say no thank you to her sandwiches and then once I take a bit, I retract my answer.
I would have my last swim in the ocean for the day and walk home in my bikini freezing beach home solo freezing. All the while dreaming of my hot steamy bath.  I think that is first where I fell in love with hot baths. I loved the feeling of being cold and then being super clean, and warm with a sun kissed glow. I would sink my entire body, all four ft ten in to the full tub. I would then go under with my ears and sing songs. Once again I thought that it was the water and not my voice that sounded so bad.
I can still close my eyes and visualize Ocean City. Huge beaches with white, white sand, and sand dunes.  In August the jelly fish would come out to play.  There always were bugs around that were annoying. You had to bring bug spray everywhere. My legs were covered in mosquito bites.  The air was super humid and at times to humid.
Every Sunday my father would take me and my friend to the boardwalk. They rented bikes and it was a popular thing to do. We usually would rent a surrey. That was a square bike that seated four. That or a tripple bike.   When we got to the end of the boardwalk we would stop for donuts.  They had several shops that would stricly make donuts. The donuts were tiny and we would watch the batter drop down in to the oil. They would come out steaming and then they would add powdered sugar, brown sugar or chocolate. They were so yummy. I would dip them in to my coffee and be in heaven.
On Sunday’s we would have Sunday breakfast. My Dad would make his special potatoes and shake them in a brown bag to distribute the salt evenly. Often, my mother would make crepes, which were delicious. I always looked forward to those mornings.
At night my friends and I would take the jitney (a little bus)  to the boardwalk. The boardwalk was about three miles of wood plank connected. It had alot of amusements, candy, games, shops, food and people selling things We would go in the arcades and play Pac Man, Centipede, Space Invaders, and Donkey Kong. God I miss those games.  We would order Mac n Manco pizza………the best. We would watch the cute guys flip the pizza dough.  We would get home made waffles filled with ice cream, home made lemonade an carmel pop corn.
When I was younger we would walk along the boardwalk and be in awe of the talent and specialties that Ocean City had to offer.  The boardwalk lit up like Haley’s Comet and more. The sounds, the smells, the energy. It was fantastic.  Ocean City also specialised in salt water taffy. They had a whole museum about the origins of it and would mix it up in a big pot for everyone to see.  Mr. Peanut was always in the window as well. Planters originated from there as well. There were many local artists who would heat glass and create beautiful animals, dishes and trays.
When my parents went out often times Minor would watch us. She was no fun. She caught us climbing out of the window in our room. She would scream
“Get back in.”  and she would threaten to tell my parents. We always listened but Minor caught me in everything I did. She rarely told on me but the threat was there.
As we got older we were less interested in those type of things and more interested in PJ-13 or R rated things. We were on the lookout for beer and or cigarettes.  We usually would find cigarettes (sometimes on the ground or at a construction site). We would smoke them to look cool in front of the arcade so the boys would notice us. Nothing much every happened until it did which took the innocence away from me and the shore.  Around the age of twelve the lifeguards began to notice us or vica versa.  We would flirt with them for hours and never leave the stand. Eventually we knew every life guard at every street as we returned each season. We would go to keg parties and get drunk on a half of beer.
When I was around twelve, there were these two dark skinned Hawaiian twin brothers. I was smitten. They were friend with the life guards. One of the brothers named Bob told me he worked in Wonderland running the rides. He asked me to come visit him the following weekend. I had butterflies in my stomach. He was so handsome to me. That week at him that was all I could think about. I remember getting ready to go meet him and I was so excited. I went up to him in Wonderland and he looked shocked to see me. He was 23 and I never thought about the age difference. I waited for him after work. We then got in his car, a broken down, beat up one. He had beer in his car. He took me to the beach and we sat in the life guard stand drinking. I could barely finish a beer and I felt like all I wanted to do was burp. He gave me a gentle kiss and then guided me down to his private area. He pushed my head down there and proceeded to teach me how to perform a blow job. I had heard about them but never experienced it first hand. I felt sort of proud of myself in a weird way when he dropped me off. I thought we had a date and were going to be dating.  That was not Bob’s expectation or intention.
This so called date happened every weekend. He would meet up with me take me under the boardwalk and I would perform for him. He saw my friend writing Cindy and Bob in the sand and he scolded her. I am sure he realized the implications of things and that it was illegal . All of o time I was thinking we were dating. I made jokes about it over the years but as I matured I realize that hurt me in many ways.  From then on the shore became a place of escapades not innocent memories. I returned at fifteen for the entire summer with my friend Lisa. We are mortified at what we did and that our parents let us stay there alone. If they only knew half of it. The thoughts of this makes me want to cry to this day.
On a much happier note. My parents were world travelers, By the time I was twelve, I had been to over twenty states, and about five countries. As I grew older those numbers kept on expanding.
When I was in sixth grade we took a family trip to Israel. I was twelve years of age..  I journaled about the entire experience. It is fun to look back on it today. It was an interesting trip and I loved being with my siblings. I did not know how dangerous it was or I would have been panicking the entire trip   My most vivid memory of being there was floating in the Dead Sea. We covered ourselves in therapeutic mud and then floated in the buoyant ocean with no hands. I took a big piece of crystalized drift wood home in my bag, not knowing it was a federal offense. Oopsy. When I read my journal I describe the food there more than anything in the country. I am a foody from a family of foodies. The first question out of our mouths when someone travels somewhere is asking about the food. My little girl loves food like I do and always gets cravings and talks about it. She inherited my father’s love of sweets and chocolate.
My teacher Miss Zieglar was so excited to read my journal when I returned. To me I thought a trip like this was just normal. I had my first semi boyfriend in sixth grade. This new boy named Brian transferred from another state. At first I hated him and he drove me crazy We fought all of the time. . That annoyance and hatred soon turned to crazy love. I always liked boys even when we were spraying girl spray to get rid of boys germs.
I loved my time with my mother or father alone. My mother and i would go shopping and out to lunch often. When I was small I was forever paging my mother upstairs in the department store because we got separated.    We would go out to wonderful restaurants often. No wonder I became such a foodie, and a shopaholic.  In the evening we would go out for nice dinners minimum of three times a week. I mean nice restaurants. I hated going.  One instance I was at my friend’s Peggys house and her parents said that we were going out to dinner. I was so bummed until I found out they meant McDonalds…….Then I was thrilled.
My Dad and I joined Indian Princesses when I was about nine. It was so special to me. My name was Little Snowflake and my father’s was Iron Horse….so fitting. We would go camping and fishing and roast marshmellows……..It was great until I grew out of it. I loved to go to the meetings with my father as he was not working and or distracted.
It came time for sixth grade camp. Yikes. I still had some little habits I was not

Every weekend in the summer we would go down to our shore home in Ocean City, NJ. I dreaded the two hour drive through smelly down town Philadelphia. I remember seeing tons of pollution in the air. My father usually drove me and one of my friends down there. Each friend would try and hint for me to take them down the shore with me on weekends.
My one of a kind Dad would often pick up hitchhikers along the way and then lecture them for hitchhiking, smoking and drugs. He was always exercising on the steering wheel by doing isometrics. He was always pulled over by the police and nine times out of ten, he got out of it. I would look over and my Dad would have the policeman trying his exercise wheel. This all happened each weekend on our journey to the Ocean City.  We were just happy to arrive alive. My Dad drove like Mr. Magoo and I inherited that trait unfortunately.  My favorite part of the drive was when my dad took the Parkway exit.   I knew that meant we were very close and about to partake in some yumminess! It was called the Parkay Deli.  I would always get the same thing. A French roll with turkey, lettuce, mayonnaise and American cheese. It was the most delicious sandwich ever.  My Dad would get his favorite Tasty cakes and Coke.
My Father loved chocolate almost as much as he loved me. When we arrived Ocean City I was so excited. I loved going to the shore for many reasons. The main one probably being that my parents were together there and we did family things. The town Ocean City was and is a dry town. It is very family oriented, with beautiful white large beaches. The sand dunes were gorgeous. Everyone keeps their homes very nice. On Sundays my Dad would take my friend and I to the boardwalk. We would rent bikes and when we got to the end of the boardwalk there were a couple shops that made homemade tiny donuts. We would watch them be made and drop in the oil. They would come out warm and we would dip in our coffee.
A major part of my childhood happiness was going down the shore in the summer. We owned a condo in Ocean City, New Jersey. The town was a dry town so no alcohol was allowed.  That kept the rif raf out. It was a safe conservative town.  All of the houses were lined up perfectly with perfect land scaping. They were cape cod style and there was no such thing as a dump.  People took such pride in their homes and decorated them with sea shells. There were four main streets parallel to the ocean. The streets went from first street until about 60th. It was hard to get lost there.
All year I would look forwrd to that time down the shore.  Our family would all go to the beach together. We had big rafts, and would be in the ocean the entire day. I remember my father pulling us in this big raft thinking he was the strongest man in the world. He would have a huge smile on his face although my mother always made him take us.  We would fly kites and enjoy the innocence of the time. The best was when the ice cream man came or even better the food truck. They were ahead of the times. They had yummy hot dogs, Italian water ice, soft pretzels and more (when I moved to California they did not have this ad I never understood why)  One of our favorite things to do was to put pennies on the railroad track and then get them after the train past.  An activity that I would not wish on my children or any children for that matter.
My mother was always studying as she was in law school. I remember her with her yellow highlighter where she marked the important parts in her book. She was always sitting on her bright yellow, plastic recylining chair. I would sit right next to her on the chair. It was always after I got out of the water and I was cold. I would put my new terri cloth robe and and my mother would have hers on. My mother would also always bring down a delicious salad and orange juice and tonic water. She would make sandwiches that were filled with anything good. They always had so much flavor and were loaded with pickles, relish, mustard, and a lean sliced meat. (not processed)   My mom had a nack for making good sandwiches. She still does to this day. I always say no thank you to her sandwiches and then once I take a bit, I retract my answer.
I would have my last swim in the ocean for the day and walk home in my bikini freezing beach home solo freezing. All the while dreaming of my hot steamy bath.  I think that is first where I fell in love with hot baths. I loved the feeling of being cold and then being super clean, and warm with a sun kissed glow. I would sink my entire body, all four ft ten in to the full tub. I would then go under with my ears and sing songs. Once again I thought that it was the water and not my voice that sounded so bad.
I can still close my eyes and visualize Ocean City. Huge beaches with white, white sand, and sand dunes.  In August the jelly fish would come out to play.  There always were bugs around that were annoying. You had to bring bug spray everywhere. My legs were covered in mosquito bites.  The air was super humid and at times to humid.
Every Sunday my father would take me and my friend to the boardwalk. They rented bikes and it was a popular thing to do. We usually would rent a surrey. That was a square bike that seated four. That or a tripple bike.   When we got to the end of the boardwalk we would stop for donuts.  They had several shops that would stricly make donuts. The donuts were tiny and we would watch the batter drop down in to the oil. They would come out steaming and then they would add powdered sugar, brown sugar or chocolate. They were so yummy. I would dip them in to my coffee and be in heaven.
On Sunday’s we would have Sunday breakfast. My Dad would make his special potatoes and shake them in a brown bag to distribute the salt evenly. Often, my mother would make crepes, which were delicious. I always looked forward to those mornings.
At night my friends and I would take the jitney (a little bus)  to the boardwalk. The boardwalk was about three miles of wood plank connected. It had alot of amusements, candy, games, shops, food and people selling things We would go in the arcades and play Pac Man, Centipede, Space Invaders, and Donkey Kong. God I miss those games.  We would order Mac n Manco pizza………the best. We would watch the cute guys flip the pizza dough.  We would get home made waffles filled with ice cream, home made lemonade an carmel pop corn.
When I was younger we would walk along the boardwalk and be in awe of the talent and specialties that Ocean City had to offer.  The boardwalk lit up like Haley’s Comet and more. The sounds, the smells, the energy. It was fantastic.  Ocean City also specialised in salt water taffy. They had a whole museum about the origins of it and would mix it up in a big pot for everyone to see.  Mr. Peanut was always in the window as well. Planters originated from there as well. There were many local artists who would heat glass and create beautiful animals, dishes and trays.
When my parents went out often times Minor would watch us. She was no fun. She caught us climbing out of the window in our room. She would scream
“Get back in.”  and she would threaten to tell my parents. We always listened but Minor caught me in everything I did. She rarely told on me but the threat was there.
As we got older we were less interested in those type of things and more interested in PJ-13 or R rated things. We were on the lookout for beer and or cigarettes.  We usually would find cigarettes (sometimes on the ground or at a construction site). We would smoke them to look cool in front of the arcade so the boys would notice us. Nothing much every happened until it did which took the innocence away from me and the shore.  Around the age of twelve the lifeguards began to notice us or vica versa.  We would flirt with them for hours and never leave the stand. Eventually we knew every life guard at every street as we returned each season. We would go to keg parties and get drunk on a half of beer.
When I was around twelve, there were these two dark skinned Hawaiian twin brothers. I was smitten. They were friend with the life guards. One of the brothers named Bob told me he worked in Wonderland running the rides. He asked me to come visit him the following weekend. I had butterflies in my stomach. He was so handsome to me. That week at him that was all I could think about. I remember getting ready to go meet him and I was so excited. I went up to him in Wonderland and he looked shocked to see me. He was 23 and I never thought about the age difference. I waited for him after work. We then got in his car, a broken down, beat up one. He had beer in his car. He took me to the beach and we sat in the life guard stand drinking. I could barely finish a beer and I felt like all I wanted to do was burp. He gave me a gentle kiss and then guided me down to his private area. He pushed my head down there and proceeded to teach me how to perform a blow job. I had heard about them but never experienced it first hand. I felt sort of proud of myself in a weird way when he dropped me off. I thought we had a date and were going to be dating.  That was not Bob’s expectation or intention.
This so called date happened every weekend. He would meet up with me take me under the boardwalk and I would perform for him. He saw my friend writing Cindy and Bob in the sand and he scolded her. I am sure he realized the implications of things and that it was illegal . All of o time I was thinking we were dating. I made jokes about it over the years but as I matured I realize that hurt me in many ways.  From then on the shore became a place of escapades not innocent memories. I returned at fifteen for the entire summer with my friend Lisa. We are mortified at what we did and that our parents let us stay there alone. If they only knew half of it. The thoughts of this makes me want to cry to this day.
On a much happier note. My parents were world travelers, By the time I was twelve, I had been to over twenty states, and about five countries. As I grew older those numbers kept on expanding.
When I was in sixth grade we took a family trip to Israel. I was twelve years of age..  I journaled about the entire experience. It is fun to look back on it today. It was an interesting trip and I loved being with my siblings. I did not know how dangerous it was or I would have been panicking the entire trip   My most vivid memory of being there was floating in the Dead Sea. We covered ourselves in therapeutic mud and then floated in the buoyant ocean with no hands. I took a big piece of crystalized drift wood home in my bag, not knowing it was a federal offense. Oopsy. When I read my journal I describe the food there more than anything in the country. I am a foody from a family of foodies. The first question out of our mouths when someone travels somewhere is asking about the food. My little girl loves food like I do and always gets cravings and talks about it. She inherited my father’s love of sweets and chocolate.
My teacher Miss Zieglar was so excited to read my journal when I returned. To me I thought a trip like this was just normal. I had my first semi boyfriend in sixth grade. This new boy named Brian transferred from another state. At first I hated him and he drove me crazy We fought all of the time. . That annoyance and hatred soon turned to crazy love. I always liked boys even when we were spraying girl spray to get rid of boys germs.
I loved my time with my mother or father alone. My mother and i would go shopping and out to lunch often. When I was small I was forever paging my mother upstairs in the department store because we got separated.    We would go out to wonderful restaurants often. No wonder I became such a foodie, and a shopaholic.  In the evening we would go out for nice dinners minimum of three times a week. I mean nice restaurants. I hated going.  One instance I was at my friend’s Peggys house and her parents said that we were going out to dinner. I was so bummed until I found out they meant McDonalds…….Then I was thrilled.
My Dad and I joined Indian Princesses when I was about nine. It was so special to me. My name was Little Snowflake and my father’s was Iron Horse….so fitting. We would go camping and fishing and roast marshmellows……..It was great until I grew out of it. I loved to go to the meetings with my father as he was not working and or distracted.
It came time for sixth grade camp. Yikes. I still had some little habits I was notEvery weekend in the summer we would go down to our shore home in Ocean City, NJ. I dreaded the two hour drive through smelly down town Philadelphia. I remember seeing tons of pollution in the air. My father usually drove me and one of my friends down there. Each friend would try and hint for me to take them down the shore with me on weekends.
My one of a kind Dad would often pick up hitchhikers along the way and then lecture them for hitchhiking, smoking and drugs. He was always exercising on the steering wheel by doing isometrics. He was always pulled over by the police and nine times out of ten, he got out of it. I would look over and my Dad would have the policeman trying his exercise wheel. This all happened each weekend on our journey to the Ocean City. We were just happy to arrive alive. My Dad drove like Mr. Magoo and I inherited that trait unfortunately. My favorite part of the drive was when my dad took the Parkway exit. I knew that meant we were very close and about to partake in some yumminess! It was called the Parkay Deli. I would always get the same thing. A French roll with turkey, lettuce, mayonnaise and American cheese. It was the most delicious sandwich ever. My Dad would get his favorite Tasty cakes and Coke.
My Father loved chocolate almost as much as he loved me. When we arrived Ocean City I was so excited. I loved going to the shore for many reasons. The main one probably being that my parents were together there and we did family things. The town Ocean City was and is a dry town. It is very family oriented, with beautiful white large beaches. The sand dunes were gorgeous. Everyone keeps their homes very nice. On Sundays my Dad would take my friend and I to the boardwalk. We would rent bikes and when we got to the end of the boardwalk there were a couple shops that made homemade tiny donuts. We would watch them be made and drop in the oil. They would come out warm and we would dip in our coffee.A major part of my childhood happiness was going down the shore in the summer. We owned a condo in Ocean City, New Jersey. The town was a dry town so no alcohol was allowed. That kept the rif raf out. It was a safe conservative town. All of the houses were lined up perfectly with perfect land scaping. They were cape cod style and there was no such thing as a dump. People took such pride in their homes and decorated them with sea shells. There were four main streets parallel to the ocean. The streets went from first street until about 60th. It was hard to get lost there.
All year I would look forwrd to that time down the shore. Our family would all go to the beach together. We had big rafts, and would be in the ocean the entire day. I remember my father pulling us in this big raft thinking he was the strongest man in the world. He would have a huge smile on his face although my mother always made him take us. We would fly kites and enjoy the innocence of the time. The best was when the ice cream man came or even better the food truck. They were ahead of the times. They had yummy hot dogs, Italian water ice, soft pretzels and more (when I moved to California they did not have this ad I never understood why) One of our favorite things to do was to put pennies on the railroad track and then get them after the train past. An activity that I would not wish on my children or any children for that matter.
My mother was always studying as she was in law school. I remember her with her yellow highlighter where she marked the important parts in her book. She was always sitting on her bright yellow, plastic recylining chair. I would sit right next to her on the chair. It was always after I got out of the water and I was cold. I would put my new terri cloth robe and and my mother would have hers on. My mother would also always bring down a delicious salad and orange juice and tonic water. She would make sandwiches that were filled with anything good. They always had so much flavor and were loaded with pickles, relish, mustard, and a lean sliced meat. (not processed) My mom had a nack for making good sandwiches. She still does to this day. I always say no thank you to her sandwiches and then once I take a bit, I retract my answer.
I would have my last swim in the ocean for the day and walk home in my bikini freezing beach home solo freezing. All the while dreaming of my hot steamy bath. I think that is first where I fell in love with hot baths. I loved the feeling of being cold and then being super clean, and warm with a sun kissed glow. I would sink my entire body, all four ft ten in to the full tub. I would then go under with my ears and sing songs. Once again I thought that it was the water and not my voice that sounded so bad.
I can still close my eyes and visualize Ocean City. Huge beaches with white, white sand, and sand dunes. In August the jelly fish would come out to play. There always were bugs around that were annoying. You had to bring bug spray everywhere. My legs were covered in mosquito bites. The air was super humid and at times to humid.

Every Sunday my father would take me and my friend to the boardwalk. They rented bikes and it was a popular thing to do. We usually would rent a surrey. That was a square bike that seated four. That or a tripple bike. When we got to the end of the boardwalk we would stop for donuts. They had several shops that would stricly make donuts. The donuts were tiny and we would watch the batter drop down in to the oil. They would come out steaming and then they would add powdered sugar, brown sugar or chocolate. They were so yummy. I would dip them in to my coffee and be in heaven.
On Sunday’s we would have Sunday breakfast. My Dad would make his special potatoes and shake them in a brown bag to distribute the salt evenly. Often, my mother would make crepes, which were delicious. I always looked forward to those mornings.
At night my friends and I would take the jitney (a little bus) to the boardwalk. The boardwalk was about three miles of wood plank connected. It had alot of amusements, candy, games, shops, food and people selling things We would go in the arcades and play Pac Man, Centipede, Space Invaders, and Donkey Kong. God I miss those games. We would order Mac n Manco pizza………the best. We would watch the cute guys flip the pizza dough. We would get home made waffles filled with ice cream, home made lemonade an carmel pop corn.
When I was younger we would walk along the boardwalk and be in awe of the talent and specialties that Ocean City had to offer. The boardwalk lit up like Haley’s Comet and more. The sounds, the smells, the energy. It was fantastic. Ocean City also specialized in salt water taffy. They had a whole museum about the origins of it and would mix it up in a big pot for everyone to see. Mr. Peanut was always in the window as well. Planters originated from there as well. There were many local artists who would heat glass and create beautiful animals, dishes and trays.
When my parents went out often times Minor would watch us. She was no fun. She caught us climbing out of the window in our room. She would scream
“Get back in.” and she would threaten to tell my parents. We always listened but Minor caught me in everything I did. She rarely told on me but the threat was there.
As we got older we were less interested in those type of things and more interested in PJ-13 or R rated things. We were on the lookout for beer and or cigarettes. We usually would find cigarettes (sometimes on the ground or at a construction site). We would smoke them to look cool in front of the arcade so the boys would notice us. Nothing much every happened until it did which took the innocence away from me and the shore. Around the age of twelve the lifeguards began to notice us or vica versa. We would flirt with them for hours and never leave the stand. Eventually we knew every life guard at every street as we returned each season. We would go to keg parties and get drunk on a half of beer.
When I was around twelve, there were these two dark skinned Hawaiian twin brothers. I was smitten. They were friend with the life guards. One of the brothers named Bob told me he worked in Wonderland running the rides. He asked me to come visit him the following weekend. I had butterflies in my stomach. He was so handsome to me. That week at him that was all I could think about. I remember getting ready to go meet him and I was so excited. I went up to him in Wonderland and he looked shocked to see me. He was 23 and I never thought about the age difference. I waited for him after work. We then got in his car, a broken down, beat up one. He had beer in his car. He took me to the beach and we sat in the life guard stand drinking. I could barely finish a beer and I felt like all I wanted to do was burp. He gave me a gentle kiss and then guided me down to his private area. He pushed my head down there and proceeded to teach me how to perform a blow job. I had heard about them but never experienced it first hand. I felt sort of proud of myself in a weird way when he dropped me off. I thought we had a date and were going to be dating. That was not Bob’s expectation or intention.
This so called date happened every weekend. He would meet up with me take me under the boardwalk and I would perform for him. He saw my friend writing Cindy and Bob in the sand and he scolded her. I am sure he realized the implications of things and that it was illegal . All of o time I was thinking we were dating. I made jokes about it over the years but as I matured I realize that hurt me in many ways. From then on the shore became a place of escapades not innocent memories. I returned at fifteen for the entire summer with my friend Lisa. We are mortified at what we did and that our parents let us stay there alone. If they only knew half of it. The thoughts of this makes me want to cry to this day.

Feb 2 17

The calm after the storm

by Amy Cubbison

For those of you who have read or know…………Last year was a very trying year. I am happy to say we are not completely out of the dark but we have come a long way. All of my children are doing well.  I cant explain the feeling to you if you have not experienced it. The feeling that your child may not come home or may not be safe…….Worrying all of the time………anxiety ridden………Now sometimes in between my joy and peace, I have boredom but that is easily taken care of……..and I prefer boredom to anxiety any day…This is my year where I am going to make changes, take charge, finish things I started……try to find backing for one of my inventions………..work on my faith and spirituality every day………….and for the superficial part of it be able to wear a mid drif or exercise halter with my tummy showing……………….I cant seem to get completely rid of that little tummy no matter but that is my goal and I see it!!!!!

Feb 2 17

Time For catch up…..LeaveMeB.com January 26 at 6:08pm · Today was a much better day than yesterday. The more I learn about starting my day out right with positive thoughts, prayers, vibrations and the law of attraction-the more I can control my day. Yesterday Kaylee was telling me all of her lifetime plans and goals. She was so positive, and clear. She told me she can visualize it. I listened to all of her plans, and I just thought to myself I am so proud and happy that I have a daughter that has such self actualization at such a young age. She is focused but loves and enjoys life along the way. She is not concerned with being popular just having true, close friends and focusing on her dreams and hopes…………I asked her,” if she ever tried to copy someone or pretend that she was them?” She said,”No why would I do that < I like who I am?" I told her I did that as a child.....

by Amy Cubbison
 Dear Blog,
I am sorry I am so sporadic .    But then again I have not been focused on this blog or my business in a while. I keep having these people tell me that they are going to help optimize it again and take over but it never happens. There goes my trusting again……..I put so much creativity in building this and yes many mistakes were made………but I do not want to close it    I am happy to sell a tshirt whenever somebody wants one…….even though I am on page 300

Today was a much better day than yesterday. The more I learn about starting my day out right with positive thoughts, prayers, vibrations and the law of attraction-the more I can control my day.
Yesterday Kaylee was telling me all of her lifetime plans and goals. She was so positive, and clear. She told me she can visualize it. I listened to all of her plans, and I just thought to myself I am so proud and happy that I have a daughter that has such self actualization at such a young age. She is focused but loves and enjoys life along the way. She is not concerned with being popular just having true, close friends and focusing on her dreams and hopes…………I asked her,” if she ever tried to copy someone or pretend that she was them?” She said,”No why would I do that < I like who I am?” I told her I did that as a child…..

Today was a much better day than yesterday. The more I learn about starting my day out right with positive thoughts, prayers, vibrations and the law of attraction-the more I can control my day.
Yesterday Kaylee was telling me all of her lifetime plans and goals. She was so positive, and clear. She told me she can visualize it. I listened to all of her plans, and I just thought to myself I am so proud and happy that I have a daughter that has such self actualization at such a young age. She is focused but loves and enjoys life along the way. She is not concerned with being popular just having true, close friends and focusing on her dreams and hopes…………I asked her,” if she ever tried to copy someone or pretend that she was them?” She said,”No why would I do that < I like who I am?” I told her I did that as a child…..

Dec 23 16

Merry Christmas

by Amy Cubbison

As the holidays are upon us I really am missing and thinking of my dear father. My heart is aching but fortunately I feel his presence and his love. During the holidays my father would always wear plaid pants and red cashmere sweaters. He looked so handsome. My father was a true gentleman. A rare find these days. When we went to Christmas mass or to a holiday party, I would fall asleep on the way home. I remember so clearly my father carrying me up to my room and feeling so safe and protected. My mother dressed me in patent leather shoes and itchy, fancy dresses. I loved, loved Christmas and every ritual we followed. My daughter is now following my foot steps and lecturing on how it all should be done……….On another wonderful note……All of my east coast family will be here for the holidays………….my large, complicated but loving family members…….xo Feeling blessed