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Sep 20 18

Lost family Members………….lost in dying not lost in lost.

by Amy Cubbison

Last night i had dinner with my friend’s mother and cousin. They lost three men in their life this past year-a child, a husband and a grandson. They say that good times happen after sad times in the sense that it helps me to not sweat the small stuff and not to worry about the bull shit. In my opinion people spend way to much time being irritated at something minor or taking something personally. I can recognize that i still do that but far less than I use to . Human being are flawed……We could pick apart anyone. All i know is sitting with this beautiful woman who was crying missing her husband while listening to beautiful songs by Frank Sinatra et. and I felt so much for her. I want to wrap her in my loving arms and make the pain go away. On the flip side i said to her-you still have time to continue a happy life and aren’t you so lucky to have had that love story that so many of us never get to have……………

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Sep 20 18

Heartbreak Hotel

by Amy Cubbison

As you probably know I was suffering from a broken heart after the breakup of a four year relationship. I jumped in to dating someone pretty quickly. I knew i was not ready but I thought that this guy was to good to pass up. Turns out all of the things I thought he was, he was not. It was another lesson on how long it takes to get to know someone. It was about three months in and I am glad i did not spend more time in something with someone who had red flags from the beginning. He is going through a really bad divorce and she is fighting for money and custoday so maybe he is much more positive but this is tough time in his life. My friend told me a big red flag is when someone HATES their ex, trusts nobody, and or does not speak to any family members.I was trying to help this person to trust again but that was not my job, it was his and hopefully in his life he will learn to trust because without trust, no relationship can survive………..I need to have a few good months of casual dating until i figure somethings out……….#heartbroken #love #loveisallaround #amycubbison#diaryofasinglemom #diaryofahousewife #healbeforelovingagain

Sep 20 18

I am Woman Hear Me Pour……

by Amy Cubbison

You know what I may have conflict in my life but instead of it making me feel bad about myself and feeling not good enough or getting depressed-i look at it as a way to learn and grow but I do NOT beat myself anymore. It is so corny but as if I am finally being the loyal, loving friend or mother to myself that I always wanted and needed. I am so far from perfect but that is what life is about accepting flaws in another and not taking them personally and accepting Seasons, Reasons and Life times with friends and lovers…………….. in the end I know my heart is in the right place……….I will not speak ill of anyone but also won’t tolerate being dumped on anymore……..as Minor say’s Thank you Jesus.”

Sep 2 18

Sad but day of Evolving.

by Amy Cubbison

Today was a sad day as a long time friendship has ended. It is not my choice but i will not stay where i am not wanted or appreciated and the other is not willing to work on it. On a more positive note- I had a long conversation with my longest friend-we met at one year old and have been friends ever since. Talking to her is like air to breath for me. She will not hurt me intentionally and she will never leave me nor I to her. We laughed and.🙂 Today we were talking about childhood random memories that only two people who grew up together could share. Funny innuendos-some she remembered and some she did not and vica versa. To be honest is one of the things I love about Jean is she gets me. She also knows my heart and her saying that to me means I am okay. I also knows that she has a good heart, is a great mother and person. It is validating on both sides. If anyone has seen the best and worst of me, it is she. Writing this brings tears to my eyes. I was telling her about an incident that was life changing for me when we were twenty three. She had moved here from back east with her college room mate Kristen. They both had just graduated. I was very envious that they had graduated and I had not yet at the time. I was also envious that she and Kristen were single and free and would go to various places and out all of the time. I was married a the time and in school. I felt some anxiety when i was with Jean and or both of them. I was not sure where this discontentment came or why i felt not worthy but i know I did not like the feeling. One day I said something to Jean and she responded-‘ why would you and do you often say things to hurt me?” Wow…………..When she said that it hit a raw nerve in me and I sobbed for days. I Had realized that I was being passive aggressive with her and giving her jabs to make her feel bad and me feel better…….the only thing it was not making me feel better and i had not realized that she was aware of this. I felt so bad because it brought in to light how much I had not addressed my true feelings to her and covered them up in various ways. Once i owned that and apologized profusely to her, only then i could dig deeper and see where it was coming from. It was a huge lesson for me in my life and I also realized where it came from. I had been around people in my life who were passive aggressive and gave me digs but i did not realize i also was passing on that negative trait. I now know when i say something passive aggressive, own it and apologize. I hope i described this in a way that was beneficial to you. I am an open book and trying to keep some things private and for myself but my nature is to share…………

Sep 2 18

By the way my blog needs to be called Diary of a Single Mom who is dating

by Amy Cubbison
Sep 2 18

I am back and this time for good

by Amy Cubbison

As you know i am in graduate school majoring in psychology. A requirement for me is to be in therapy during as it is for all grad students. I am not afraid to admit that I have done a lot of therapy in my life. Thank God because it has helped me learn and grow so much. This past week I brought up a lot of sad stuff in my childhood. I do not like it when people ignore me and it brings up my abandonment issues. It as rough to relive the past but it showed me that i still hold these feelings inside myself. The best part is that I see how FAR i have come. I no longer will be used, or a dumping ground for others stuff. I always thought to myself-why do people say hurtful things to me often?” It was because I was soft and I let them. Not anymore.!!! I will stand up for myself, protect myself, and my children…..Always look at my behavior and intention and take ownership when I have done or said something that was not right. When i started standing up for myself and having boundaries some did not like it which creates some drama but i guess i have to get through that for others to see that i mean business…..🙂

Aug 19 18

Small post

by Amy Cubbison

Woke up this morning, feeling a bit better. Thankful for the progress. Made a big breakfast for my kids while listening to beautiful music and now eating with my family. Now I am watching another romantic comedy which is m go to during my aches and pains. Sometimes it is nice to just shut out any negativity and reality of the world, and see the world the way i use to always see it.

Jul 21 18

Funny stuff unless you were the one I but in front of……

by Amy Cubbison

A funny story……or to me but not if you are the people i cut in front of….(sorry). There was a huge long line on Manchester going to get on 5 south………I have to admit i am a cutter. I have no patience for those long lines.I went up to the front of the line and i did what i always do-i honked and flashed a cute smile to see if he would let me in and my cuteness would prevail. Well he shook his head no way! Then looked away. I tried to get his attention and then flashed him a huge smile while praying with my hands. He again shook his head ,No!” I kept on going and he started pointing and mouthing through the window to go to the back of the line. I then saw him starting to laugh and I went to town with the biggest grin and laughing with him……..He let me in. We were both laughing. It was fun..

Jun 17 18

Paying it forward

by Amy Cubbison

A nice little story of paying it forward…….By circumstances beyond my recall, i ended up with two extra J. Lo tickets. When we were ubering to the concert we had the sweetest, African woman. I asked her if she wanted two free tickets to Jennifer Lopez she replied,” Are you kidding me? :” I said “No.” “Take them they are free.” She screamed and said she was clocking off work and had a friend that would be so excited. ………The next day I received a text from her thanking me for the BEST day of her life. She said they put her right up front and she could see J. Lo perfectly………………I try and do things like this an not brag but this was so special and such a case of why we should pay it forward. That to me meant more than buying anything………..I felt like #theEllenshow #ellendegenerous #Ellen show for a day!!!

Feb 7 18

A long one………….long but overdue just like my bills are. jk. Not really

by Amy Cubbison

It is time for a check in honesty blog……I will try and make it brief…… and turn this bitch fest around. 🙂……..Been going through a heck of a time……..It all started months back when I wanted to go over our family trust fund and find out details………..It did not go over smoothly but I did learn that I am learning to stand up for myself as well, as ask for what I want………Everyone has always told me I have drama around……………I do admit to liking some and feeling passionately feels good..but one way to add drama to my life, that I have learned is have better boundaries and tell people how you feel, of course in a nice way……….So that started a plethora and a domino effect of negative crap. I try to be positive and an optimist t but God keeps throwing me lessons one after another…………I get a few breaks in between but it has been like seven years…………….I have gotten much better at priorities, living in the moment and realize material things do not make happiness *to bad many never get this” Then my brother and I have had a lot of problems that I will not go in to but greatly effected me……………..My dear friend Christine has passed………………..recently as I am sure you have followed on Facebook. That scares me and saddens me so much. I don’t want my children to leave the house anymore………I feel so protective……………I just heard Pinks’ new song, I fricken love her and it say’s I want to go back and be in my room with my Barbies.” That hit home with me,. I always think about when I was little, loved, and safe in my room, in my home with both of my parents and Minor……I keep telling my kids to appreciate it. I try and make the house as cozy, loving and inviting as I can………..So on top of that and trying to get student loans so I can go to grad school full time., which I by the way LOVE>>>>.it is my saving grace………..I love everyone in my class and I love learning…..and it is sooo interesting. Thank God for that. I just have to get better with the pressure and anxiety I feel before a final or paper……I don’t know if you know this but no b’s in grad school…………I always wanted to be one of those students that was like, I did not study, and I got an A. Never fricken happened to me. If I did not study I failed…….I study day and night now and hopefully that will continue to pan out. BTW I also have never been that person that is like I just dropped ten pounds and I did not even try> What miss a meal? Ha ha. I always feel like stress makes me thinner but the scale tells otherwise……….in my next life…….that with a heart that does not feel so deeply…….To summarize my bitch fest, My kids wont sit and play God Damn games with me. Kaylee barely will watch a show with me. I have to beg. 🙂 I am glad they are independent and happy but I miss them……..hence school and career late in life. Finally on top of that , I feel unattractive lately and older. I seem to notice every little flaw….and I do see how stress does take a toll on you. (me) I think I finally look Middle aged?? Argh………I am trying to work on my insides and not care to much or put too much importance on it but it is not easy……….I like being cute and everything that goes with that…….Hopefully it is just a down time, and I know my hormones are up to something crazy………….I have that all too familiar feeling that I have had in my life where I feel like I am trying so hard and it is not enough, and others do not appreciate it…….Yes victim mentality and I wont stay in that feeling for long…….but I am a puppy who just wants kindness adn love in this dog eat dog world………….My faith in humanity will come back as always ……….so for now No MORE MURDER MYSTERIES< OR AM TALK RADIO>>>>>>>>> goodbye, au revoir fo now……….xoxox……….It is time for a check in honesty blog……I will try and make it brief…… and turn this bitch fest around. 🙂……..Been going through a heck of a time……..It all started months back when I wanted to go over our family trust fund and find out details………..It did not go over smoothly but I did learn that I am learning to stand up for myself as well, as ask for what I want………Everyone has always told me I have drama around……………I do admit to liking some and feeling passionately feels good..but one way to add drama to my life, that I have learned is have better boundaries and tell people how you feel, of course in a nice way……….So that started a plethora and a domino effect of negative crap. I try to be positive and an optimist t but God keeps throwing me lessons one after another…………I get a few breaks in between but it has been like seven years…………….I have gotten much better at priorities, living in the moment and realize material things do not make happiness *to bad many never get this” Then my brother and I have had a lot of problems that I will not go in to but greatly effected me……………..My dear friend Christine has passed………………..recently as I am sure you have followed on Facebook. That scares me and saddens me so much. I don’t want my children to leave the house anymore………I feel so protective……………I just heard Pinks’ new song, I fricken love her and it say’s I want to go back and be in my room with my Barbies.” That hit home with me,. I always think about when I was little, loved, and safe in my room, in my home with both of my parents and Minor……I keep telling my kids to appreciate it. I try and make the house as cozy, loving and inviting as I can………..So on top of that and trying to get student loans so I can go to grad school full time., which I by the way LOVE>>>>.it is my saving grace………..I love everyone in my class and I love learning…..and it is sooo interesting. Thank God for that. I just have to get better with the pressure and anxiety I feel before a final or paper……I don’t know if you know this but no b’s in grad school…………I always wanted to be one of those students that was like, I did not study, and I got an A. Never fricken happened to me. If I did not study I failed…….I study day and night now and hopefully that will continue to pan out. BTW I also have never been that person that is like I just dropped ten pounds and I did not even try> What miss a meal? Ha ha. I always feel like stress makes me thinner but the scale tells otherwise……….in my next life…….that with a heart that does not feel so deeply…….To summarize my bitch fest, My kids wont sit and play God Damn games with me. Kaylee barely will watch a show with me. I have to beg. 🙂 I am glad they are independent and happy but I miss them……..hence school and career late in life. Finally on top of that , I feel unattractive lately and older. I seem to notice every little flaw….and I do see how stress does take a toll on you. (me) I think I finally look Middle aged?? Argh………I am trying to work on my insides and not care to much or put too much importance on it but it is not easy……….I like being cute and everything that goes with that…….Hopefully it is just a down time, and I know my hormones are up to something crazy………….I have that all too familiar feeling that I have had in my life where I feel like I am trying so hard and it is not enough, and others do not appreciate it…….Yes victim mentality and I wont stay in that feeling for long…….but I am a puppy who just wants kindness adn love in this dog eat dog world………….My faith in humanity will come back as always ……….so for now No MORE MURDER MYSTERIES< OR AM TALK RADIO>>>>>>>>> goodbye, au revoir fo now……….xoxox……….