Reading Over Some of My Blog Entries

I was just reading over some of entries and in one in particular I was sounding guilty, you know, when you justify yourself so much that you sound guilty? It was the one when I was talking about being late and keeping up with the Joneses. Here is the truth as I know it and how I look at it: Everyone of us has two sides: the good and the not so good. The side that wins is the one we feed more. And we are who we hang out with.

I spent a lot of my life not feeling good enough and hating my characteristics that made me me. As I have matured I realize that there are some things that are just innately me and some things are from me being lazy, and others that go away with growing through life’s experiences. The main challenge for me has been to love myself as I am with imperfections.

As I have said before, I have really gotten there for the most part (unless I am PMSing and it all comes back). This is why it hurts so much when people criticize me. I know what I am doing wrong and I go over it in my head daily. I am always trying to improve. The problem is in some people’s eyes I will never be okay.

We never know exactly what is going on with someone else’s life. I am not saying I never criticize but I try not to and I try not to gossip (I like fun gossip, if there is such a thing, but I never ever want to hurt anyone). I always feel guilty if I do not speak highly about others or keep quiet. If I need to, I talk to their face directly. I love all kinds of people and I like people who are real, honest and are not afraid of being human and erring. I guess what I am trying to say is that we can all be keep up with Joneses types if we do not work on doing things to make us feel good on the inside, ie church, exercise, helping others, listening to a friend in need…