Jitters

by Amy Cubbison on February 11th, 2009

Today I have the jitters and I am not certain why. I have had a good day. I did not do anything exciting but I got work finished and finally booked our free nights in the desert. Why in the world do they make it so hard to claim freebies?? Never mind, I know but what a frickin pain in the hynie they make it. At any rate it is a done deal now.

William started complaining about where and when we were going. I swear those kids have it so good. now I really sound like I am getting old but their complaints are not logical. Back to getting them to the soup kitchen’s……..I am looking forward to rest and relaxation. I have a busy month in many regards….I have been listening to NPR with the kids. It really is interesting and the kids find it interesting as well……and thank God it stops them from fighting and Wills talking constantly.

Sometimes when there is so much chaos around me I feel like I am watching myself from above. I think that one sports drink I drink is what causes me to be jittery and crabby, as well as out of my body experiences. I hope you understand what I mean and I don’t sound like looney tunes……Somebody called me quirky today-I like that word.

Speaking of william can be so funny but then he can do things that I am afraid are going to embarrass him so much. I try and say,‘Maybe you should just do that at home.” I hope it works-in fact sort of remember my mother saying that to me. Does that mean that is why I felt shamed? OMG I hope not. Darn parenting leaves me second guessing everything. I have been identifying with my shirt that says,”Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mommy?”

I sometimes can’t believe that I have three kids that I raised and am totally responsible for. ………So tonight we have to finish our Valentine’s cards. Tomorrow I volunteer at the parties and for the life of me I can’t remember what I am suppose to bring. That is why I alternate which Mom I ask to remind me. Then maybe and just maybe I can get away with not looking like a total knuckle head.

Tomorrow my friend is having a trunk show. I am looking forward to it. I have a group of friend’s going. That means dress up time. Yahoo. I have a bunch of clothes from a long time ago, that I have yet to wear…………Today I did not go to the gym but was doing some yoga in the tv room…….well let me tell you-I had two thoughts one was my darn kids. I found a hard slice of cheese under the couch from God knows when a thrown dirty cereal bowl, with dry milk and a spoon among tons of chips crumbled in to the carpet. I was upset at the kids first and then thought what a chinzy job the maid does……….I honestly have to get my kids to help out. I am soooooo sick of cleaning up after them. I need to get more disciplined as I have been trying to for ten years. I dont know why but I don’t have the will or the energy but it is just making my life harder and harder and me feeling more used and abused!!! Stellaaaaaa! Nanny Stella, I mean!

From my-life

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