Here I Go Again
Okay, So I am finally getting use to the new system. Thank God for Nichole or I would have not idea what in the world I was doing or why I was doing it. She is a smart thing. ha ha I was at my parents for dinner tonight with Wills and Kaylee and a few uncomfortable things occurred but being the optimist, I will focus on the fact that my father was more involved in our conversations than he has been in a long time. He smiled a lot as well. Other than the the food was great and I ate too much…………..Lots of fun stuff to write about but what I am going to focus on is “me.” After all that is what a blog is all about . Just playing but it is about me and some more personal growth !! Yahhooo!!!
First off I started the day so in love with life and the little things, especially when I hear about fricken Madoff. Then I was cleaning up the kitchen and the downstairs, (don’t freak, I am getting better at being tidy) and all the sudden I found myself cussing out the family an feeling annoyed and use by the dog and the kids. Fricken Molly bit my toe today and her barking is getting to me BAD!!! She eats twenty times a day and it is no where to be seen except for peeing on our floors. One thing I will not miss……anyways, it amazes me how I can go from one way to another on my children so quickly. That is why a mother’s job is the toughest.
I kept Kaylee home today an she was a handful. She whined a lot. I had a business lunch that went very well. I found out many ways I can help them and that makes me feel good. My mother said,”What can they do for you?” It will come. I know it will. I have good feelings about the next year ahead.
Anyways Kaylee asked me today what we were going to do for Molly’s birthday ? First off, I don’t know when it is , forgot that ages ago when I had children, and secondly, She is a 17 year old Yorkie, who has no living friends anymore. Not that she even had any. She was a loner. I read something that said little dogs live long if they love their owners a lot. Awww. I thought what Kaylee said was precious……..
Okay so here is my insight for the day. I have been feeling much less anxious, not picking and not worrying. I think it is my meds and my cutting back on caffeine. I also have been wavering between boredom, peace and business. It is a familiar feeling but one I have not had in a while. I know that boredom is the first step to inner peace. So there is a light.
I was talking to Diane my friend/therapist about how I have been having familiar feelings of insecurity that I had in my teens. I was saying I don’t think my meds were working. She said, “maybe if you think about it, you don’t have any girl drama, or any other major distractions that I get or make up.” So this leaves me to feel the real feelings that are there when there is nothing left to inflate my ego or tear it down. I found that profound and true. So what I need to do is keep trucking ahead. I have been very family oriented and not going out a lot. Working much more than I use to so I am on the right track-just need to stay there or here!! And on that positive note. goodnight.