by Amy Cubbison on July 13th, 2009

Rest IN Peace Teddi. That was my brother’s first wife. She just passed from lung cancer. I have heard so many tragic stories as of late. I just can’t bare it but that is the cycle or life and just plain life. I can do things or not do things to extend my life or not but that is all. I also need to manage my stress level because that takes a terrible toll on ones health. I can feel it, and I will not let it happen to me. So I think it should be a yoga day…….ohhhmmm.
I have lots of work to do today. I also want to take my kids to visit friends at the beach and take a swim. A good friend of mine, just got separated and moved in near me. She has a cute little place and a nice big pool which will come in handy this summer. Oh yea. I am giving myself a bit of a break for the next few weeks because after all summer is just a few weeks and I want to enjoy my kids and the summer. THe weather has been so beautiful.
Yesterday we went to church and all the while he, the pastor, was talking about how we are not our looks, or things and at the same exact time I found myself discovering that in the video his background looks like the Louie Vutton print. What an oxymoron-I am a living oxymoron, or just a moron. Who knows, who cares.
We went to my mother’s for lunch with the kids while they jacuzzied. I am feeling so unloved and unsupported by my mother these days. It really hurts and I don’t know how to deal with it or approach it. Calling therapy………..I am signing up for some classes that will also help me on my road to strength and are a lot cheaper. We have had some inquiries about our home but no offers yet. I am sad about letting our home go but sort of want to simplify because I feel like I can’t keep up. Sort of how I have felt in my life. I can’t keep up. I still am healing physically and mentally from my trip back east. My brother thought he was doing tough love on me but really brought up the wounded little girl with ADD that everyone use to yell at for not listening when I was really trying. I just can’t comprehend somethings auditoraly. Spelling? Then when I get nervous, I get worse and can’t think correctly. Anyways it was hurtful and I went there to heal my soul, not get boot camp 101. I just keep repeating to myself,”I can do all things, through Christ our lord Amen.” I hope God only gives me as much as I can handle.
I have been feeling that each day I have had nice quality time with my kids. Jac has been extra loving and cuddly, which is super nice. Kaylee is always her spunky spirit that cracks me up. I want to have date nights with my boys this week. I always feel so fufilled when I hang out with my kids and want to relish and cherish the moments. Wills and I have had some good talks and I have felt getting closer to him, in between his nervous outbursts. He has been so anxious, poor guy. Taking him to the doctor’s on Wednesday. Now he feels that he has Celiac’s disease as well and is worrying about that constantly. Yesterday on the way to church all of the kids were whining and complaining the entire way. THEy were pulling the old, “I am sick and can’t go,” as they do at school days every Monday or actually most days. I was feeling hormonal and about to lose it. How can three fricken kids make so much noise and all whine at the same time? I miss my third row of seating in my Sequoia, and especially the tv. that kept them quiet at times in there. Oh dear do I miss that! Have you ever wondered how I can complain about my kids and love on my kids so much in one entry? It is a mystery to me, as a lot of things are……………In conclusion please pray for Teddi and all of the people out there suffering from any disease for their peace of mind, recovery and family support. Amen

From my-life

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