Geeze

by Amy Cubbison on September 18th, 2009

geeze,,,,,,,,,my life, I tell you is an emotional roller coaster, or has been the last two years and then when I was younger. Not always bad emotion but emotion. Maybe I just should admit it that I am a drama queen, or atleast princess. Anyways lots happening. Have been feeling lazy and down and procrastinating on all we need to do. Thank God I have children right now. For them I wake up and for them I make the best of it. I know I do not have it bad but one can’t help when one feels tired of life and the drudgery of it. I am the happiest sitting with my kids, anywhere, or hugging them. I feel the most peaceful then. I prefer it one on one, so there is no competition or screaming but not always the case. Wills and I are like to polar magnets that sometimes click and other times not. He has been really sweet lately and we have had some good talks. LAst night during grace at dinner he said, “He is thankful for the armor that covers his heart right now and all of its sad feelings.” Broke my heart. Then Jac heard me about to tell someone else and he said,’Mommy that is private.” So it is obvious that our children have big hearts. Jac has been disrespectful to me lately but today we spent the day together (shh) packing but went shopping, walking and out to lunch. He was really cuddly with me and it was really nice. Filled my heart with love..
I keep missing MOlly, wanting a dog or a puppy. It is coming from the most unhealthy place but I am longing to have unconditional love.
Believe it or not, I have said no to several events and or invitations. I am getting that feeling where I just want to stay in more and go to bed early and get healthy as I can. My gosh, I have worried so much lately that it has taken a toll on my health, hopefully not permanently. I made three doctors appointments for next week, just in case. I want to go but then I am scared I have something and don’t want to know.
My phone is missing. Not sure who took it but think someone did. I am lost without it and all the contacts. I am using Jac’s prehistoric phone that dies all of the time, and is about fifteen years old. Originally it was Neil’s. It is the size of a suitcase. Ha. ha. Exagerating but funny. I am so humbled these days. The other day I even borrowed ten dollars from my neighbors maid. She had more money in her wallet than I do. All about to change when we move and I focus, focus, and budget.
The other day went to a script reading private get together. I guess my friend who is a big wig agent in HOllywood trusts me to read it first. It was hilarious, because being the add person I am-I could not follow it for the life of me. Finally I said,”Stop, I need the whole picture, beginning, middle and end, or I will be lost.” They explained it to me and from there on it was an interesting script and experience. My part Betty, had so many swear words that Ashleigh and I were laughing because I never swear and it was hilarious. The script was about small town tough, rough boys growing up. Reminded me of some guys I know who grew up around here, and they are “Street Smart,” but also lived a life that I am so unfamiliar with. At any rate, it is an interesting story. The best part is that they were genuine, really nice, funny people and that always makes for a lift up.
Tonight I think I am taking the kids to Roshana, or however you spell it, for them to play, and for me to visit and drink wine. The rest of the weekend is pretty family oriented,which I am glad about. Glad I did not commit to the Emmy giveaway.

From my-life

1 Comment
  1. Hi there,
    Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later.

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