Deletion upon completion

by Amy Cubbison on October 22nd, 2009

I will not get upset, I will not get upset, I am on vacation even though I just spent the last hour writing a creative blog and once again I deleted it. Not sure how it happens or how to prevent it but at this point it is my fault if I dont do something to prevent it. Anyways, I am going to try and replicate what I wrote. All I know is that it felt good to blog and I was somewhat entertaining, as I thought to myself, which has not been the case lately. I always tell William that accidents like this happen because the next one is probably going to be more creative but that has not been the case with me lately neither. NOt practicing what I preach.
I began with saying that we are in the desert. NOt the offriding, partying desert but my kind of desert with pools, spas and sun, and room service. Ha. I had to clarify that to a few people who don’t know me very well. lol. I always remember how to spell desert, thanks to Jean my lifelong, closest friend who in sixth grade told me that desert has one s and dessert has two since it is doubly delicous. One of those things that is locked in my memory box forever and it has a purpose along with all of those other random things that I have yet to know why I remember them daily. I often want to put them down on paper and see what theme they make. I am sure some of it is one of insecurity building. Lately I have been hanging out with a friend who critisizes others for their weight and or makes fun of people. He is a really funny guy but I find that when someone is critical of others and or observant of every little thing it makes me nervous to be such a flawed person. I try to see the good in others and it does not feel good if you think others are nitpicking and or criticising  me. This is part my issue and part of societies, and back to believing that no matter what I am human and good enough. Can you tell I have missed therapy this week so you my dear blog are getting the wrath of therapy.

The desert is so beautiful. I always forget how important vacations are for the mind, body and soul. I feel calm, beautiful, healthy and happy. It does not matter the location and or duration of a vacation.  And to see the joy and laughter that the kids have just playing around. This morning I was sitting on the deck in my pj’s (sort of) and the kids were down the balcony feeding the ducks the remains of their croissants from Starbucks. Not the cheapest idea but a good time for them. Now we have an entourage of ducks outside our balcony. Yesterday the elderly people at the pool were freakin that the ducks were swimming in the pool. I sware half the things that bothers other people, don’t make me flinch> Not sure if that is good, dumb or bad but it certainly makes life a bit smoother. Dont’ sweat the small, unimportant stuff.

Kaylee wanted to count her money (coins) and she and Jac placed them all across the hotel room and counted to eighteen dollars. They were so excited. Kaylee is watching a reality show about kindergarten, yes you heard me correct. She just quoted “boys go to college to get more knowledge  and girls go to jupiter to get more stupider.” Lovely. SHe also confessed to me the other day that she is never getting married and going to adopt a baby and hire someone to change the poopy diapers. Confidence I tell you, you can’t buy it. ALthough I have tried. I am feeling much better about a lot of the things that were aching on my mind. I have made some decisions, postponed somethings and praying about the rest. All we have is today and today we are healthy and my kids are happy, and I want to relish in that. Speaking of relish, one who usually avoids to much sun, (me) is loving and enjoying the warm sun baking on my somewhat pale body. Today we are going to go on a walk and then continue swimming lessons for Kaylee by the three Cubbison’s us. The boys are being so cute to her. She has so much love around her. She got so tan yesterday that her hynie looks like the Coppertone baby.  Yesterday Kaylee and I did yoga in the hotel room. I have been doing a lot of  yoga lately and my body is reaping the benefits. I love how it makes me look and feel and that I let it slip out of my permanent routine.

Last night we met my nephew out for a steak dinner. It is my favorite and was so delicious but ofcourse I ate too much> I had a hard time sleeping and know that when I dont’ take time after eating before going to sleep. Today we need to watch our money more, yesterday the kids thought it wasa a free for all.  We are returning friday and my dear friend Gail will be in town to have our Mommies and Kids happy hour. Saturday night it is one of my dear friend’s 40th, which means dancing. yea. Some fun times and events ahead.  I am also reading some good self help material, which fills me up and a good novel, “Stolen lives.: I love how escaping in to someone elses reality is so healing. 
Yesterday at the pool Jac was helping this little baby girl.  he was so sweet to her. William is like that as well. He gets a kick out of small children and how cute they are. He laughs at what they say and smiles at them adoringly. Makes me a proud mother that they can appreciate that.

Watched Marley and me with kids yesterday. It brought up feelings about Molly and how we miss her, and then when they brought the baby home, it reminded me of bringing each and everyone of my children home and how beautiful it was and how I miss that. It also reminded us all of the adjustment Molly had with them but ultimately came to be their protectors, as much as four pound yorkie can be. Terra.

From my-life

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