Update monthly blog

by Amy Cubbison on October 6th, 2009

Updating my monthly blog……ha. NO just kidding atleast this time, I have a valid excuse-we have been moving. What an experience this has been of emotions and everything. Sometimes when big transitions in my life occur, than I feel as if I am a spectator watching my life from the outside. I am strolling down memory lane a lot during this move and making new memories at the same time. I am loving that it feels like fall outside, and that in itself brings a lot of memories up. ANyways I Forgot how much work moving is. I do like that my mother is being so loving and helpful. Yesterday she sent her housekeeper over and staff to help me unpack and organize. I like having a lot of company over my house and a lot of reasons to stay in, and be busy at my home. It sort of feels good. Not sure if that makes sense but it is true.
WIlliam has had a terrible time with the move. Yesterday was better than the days prior. He is tormenting himself by sitting there and watching the new people move in our home. He sits there and cries to them,’That is my home.” IT is very heart wrenching. My nephew said to me that Wills and I are made of the same cloth. True very true but hard to see at times.
In the past few days there were a lot of comments and moments that I wanted to remember but escape me at this time. HOpefully they will resurface tomorrow.
I had no idea how much work moving was, or atleast I forgot. I guess downsizing like that makes it a lot more work. I am liking my home, and liking the organizing and decluttering that is going on. I feel like my family will be closer in smaller quarters and that this home is going to build and hold a lot of happy memories in the future. I already have it decorated for Halloween. Trying to make it cozy for the kids. I can’t wait until it is all set up and I add the trimmings that I want to add to it. I can’t wait to cook a really nice meal in it for friends. I don’t like that the fireplace has fake logs in it. Need to change that.
Kaylee and Jac are fine with the move for the most part. WIlliam is complaining a lot. Last week Wills and I went to my therapist and it was very helpful for us. We need to do a follow up meeting. I feel that there is so much for me to do with my kids, business and home, that I am overhwhelmed. I keep saying one thing at a time, and one day at a time to myself. I have been home a lot mainly cuz i lost my keys, but it felt good. Every once in a while I get the jonsing to get out for dinner or something minor with a friend.
I have a lot of confused thoughts running through my mind as I deal with the clutter of my old things. I found an old box with a bunch of sentimental things in it. Some of which, was a letter to myself when I am sixty, letters to my kids to open up the year 2028, mementos from Paris and or other trips, and special cards and books that friends have given me. I got all choked up when I was reading them. I also found the letters Neil wrote to me when he was in England. I wonder where the five million letters are that I wrote to him? Ha. COuld not fit in this house.
I have hit a reality checkpoint in regards to all of my shopping and where my money/debt came from. I have so many clothes that I feel shameful. I keep thinking it is ending and the piles are never ending. I donated a bunch of things and gave some friend’s them but I really am upset with myself. That is okay, that is how I will face reality, honesty and make the changes necessary. This is all a growing experience for me, and very cathartic. Time for me to grow up, be responsible and make my own decisions. Shit I am scared. Dont tell anyone. ha

From my-life

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