Well Hellooooooooooooooo

Everytime I say that I crack up because I remember the scene, from Mrs. Doubtfire-where she or he is trying to hide and he puts his face in the cake with whip cream on it, and say’s,”Well Hello.”
Anyways lots of funny things and growth things to write about, but I will have to spread them out. I am such a tease huh, assuming that you all care.
Today started out being the worst day. and I even cried for a while. I was feeling sad, lonely, disrespected and somewhat worthless. Maybe hormones maybe not and maybe necessary for change and growth but still did not feel good. I realize I need to sit with all of these feelings and grow and not try to fill the emptiness up with friends, shopping etc. etc. You all know my vices. The other day I felt like that and I just picked up a book and read. I felt so much better. I am also feeling controlled and that everybody wants something from me. I never thought I was a victim but I see how sometimes I can go there, only I disguise it really well. I felt somewhat hopeless in regards to controlling my children today, and that is not a good feeling-one filled with guilt, shame and disspointment. An unruly mix. I told Wills I wanted to have a college student live with us, to help in mornings and afternoons. The Wills said, “Nobody is living here.” It was just after the most dissasturous but typical Monday morning getting to school. Then he went to school sulking and slamming the door with an angry face. (please God can Kaylee stop talking for one minute today) I get it, its payback time for me, but pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssseeeee! lol Anyways, I dropped them off. late, which doesn’t feel good but in my defense I had no cooperation from them what so ever. I then went to have a coffee, in the morning sun, talk to friends, and do what I do best-think. Then I went to meet with my friend, and coworker who could tell I was sad, and just his caring made me feel better. Then I went to my trainer and he lended a helping hand and ear-plus worked out my booty and got me motivated once again to look healthy, and be healthier and look hot! After that I did some errands and then did not go out to lunch. Which by the way I have been doing to often (if you have not noticed), not good for diet, or budget or business. Dear GOd why are some lessons so hard for me to learn and or remember.??? then I went to my favorite place on earth besides Nordstroms or Disneyland (ha not) my therapist. We have such stimulating interesting deep debates and conversations. He said so many things to me that made so much sense. It as if he takes away my intense emotions and brings it down to earth. That is a great feeling. Dear God, remember I asked to be MRs. Crawford in my next life, that will never happen, but just help me to be a little more numb in the feeling category. Dr. Laura would hate me. I am sort of an irony and an oxymoron because I like to do things my way and not e the book, but then I am so thin skinned when I am judged by others. Hmmm. Where was I? Oh therapy anyways I felt empowered and went to pick up kids, calm as ever. The entire day and evening was calm with Charlene coming over and having a good talk with me, business and pleasure, to the kids doing their homework and helping around the house. William kept on saying,”I really like how it feels when we listen, and I do what I am told, everyone is so much calmer and happier.” I am like “Praise God, I see light at the end of the tunnel.” Now I am doing what I do best, and that is cuddling my youngsters. THere is no place I would rather be in the world than there and in the moment. Remind me tomorrow to tell you about our trip to Oceanside. Night.