oh my

by Amy Cubbison on March 27th, 2011

Today I am waking up feeling back to my self for the most part. Aside from being in pain taking those meds messes with ones head. I did not abuse the prescription but I can tell you that my body definitely went through withdrawal……………We are going to church today. I am looking forward to that. I have had a rough couple of days. I have had a few people have words with me, and another dismiss me but I need to remember that this is about them and not about me……I know that if I have issues with someone I talk to them direct. I also look at myself and all of my intentions and any mirroring I may be doing. I have definitely not perfected the art of this in any way but enough to be authentic, review my actions, admit when I am wrong, go to the person and ask for forgiveness etc. When someone is really hurt that is when it gets difficult, atleast for me. That is when we act hastefully on emotion and then may do things that we are not proud of, and act out of desperation. Believe me I made a few mistakes over the past few months doing this but again I made ammense…….I think it is important to monitor our actions and intentions daily………I had a friend yell at me the other night because she was dissapointed that we could not get together. She can have a bad temper and I know this about her. She always comes back and aplogizes and takes ownership. I am fortunate to not have a bad temper but I know that I have some friends that do and it is something that they have to learn to work with and control just as I have my areas to work with ie; boundries etc. When someone is like that it is up to me to not react or respond until they calm down. I can ask questions to diffuse their anger………A very good friend once said to me,”Why do people always get angry at you when you lose your keys when you are the one that lost them and it doesnt even bother you?” That was a very profound statement and one that I will always remember. He also said to me that because I am so relaxed and kicked back about things, that I teach others to not react so much to unimportant things….We all can teach one another so much and so many things if we just notice, take the time and pay attention………..I also had to express some boundries with people. As you know this is not my forte but a work in progress and I am getting better. It was dealing with money, which is always hard especially with friends. I looked at my generosity and know I am not cheap person and I am a very giving person, and that right now things have changed. My financial situation has changed and I can’t be as generous and as sad as that makes me it is the truth. I am okay and will be but I need to watch it. . oh and another person I barely know told me to not contact them anymore. I found it odd since I have only been kind and didn’t even really contact them or have a relationship with them but it still hurt a bit. THings like that bring up my abandonment issues that we all have to some degree. I felt it then got over it fast and realized once again it is about them……..Today I am feeling healthier, and better. my love of life always comes back. I am going to get my surgery and go in to it with great optimism, and know once again I will be free from pain and be able to play with my kids and play in life, as I had prior to my terrible car accident………Sorry for all of the analyzing and philosophy but after all that is why have a blog for me to capture my children’s memories and for me to write out all my feelings as to heal and become a better friend, person, and mother. Thank you for reading if you have.

From my-life

Leave a Reply

Note: XHTML is allowed. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS