Those damn feelings again

by Amy Cubbison on May 17th, 2011

I know I sound like a child when I say that and I have been told I have childlike, naive qualities. I still get my feelings hurt and I am not afraid to admit it. However I feel it, get sad, think about it, separate my truth and others in it-then I feel better and stronger. This book I am reading helps me to understand that however we feel good, or bad is for a evolutionary reason and to cause us to act or make a change. Once I take the hurt or humiliation out of it I can learn from things………………I am going to finish this class at school and then take summer off. I have kids full time and I want to enjoy them and myself.
I have been in great spirits and healing well. Yesterday I cleaned the house and then I felt exhausted after that. I was very fearful that I did not much. Infact I had to stop myself from moving furniture. It is hard when I feel so good. I was like this after each cessarian. I heal quick but have to remind myself to slow down.
My 12 year older, help my Lord, has two gears super hyper and happy, or upset. I can see the hormones flying out of his body and I feel for him but geez…….Playdates oh I mean hanging out at his friends house is looking more pleasurable to me each day. ha. A new experience that is wild.
Yesterday Jac’s throat was still hurting so I wanted to take him to get strep test. He does not have it. We went to breakfast at Pannera, our new favorite breakfast place. We discovered how good the ciabatta bread with eggs, bacon and tomatoes are last sunday. Jac ordered a double this time. We had the nicest time and the nicest conversation. That is until we ran in to a Mom at the school and he told her I kept him out of school to help me clean. ha ha. Before we left to docs and breakfast I asked him an horrific favor as to help me pick up Kaylee’s bday gifts and wrapping in the tv room. It took him all about ten minutes. But that is progress for him and me to ask him, so I need to appreciate that. He talked about helping me clean up the house around five times yesterday to get kuddos. Man did I go wrong in regards to having my kids learn to help me. In Jac’s mother’s day letter to me he said I was an excellent cleaner. We all chuckled at that since everyone who knows me knows that I had a maid as a child and do not favor cleaning what so ever…..however I do it and it feels good now afterwards, not during. Just like most things. I have a neighbor lou who helps me do a lot of guy things around the house as well, so that is nice. I cook, he helps.
I told Kaylee she needed to say thank you to a friend who gave her money for arcade games on her birthday. She said out loud,’Thank You George.” Then she said,’I sent it to God and he will deliver it.” so cute and sweet…….. My son told me that his friends say I am pretty and cute.. I said,’That is nice, I am. Then he went off on me about how conceited I was. I tried to explain to him the difference in self love, and conceited and that at my age I sort of know what I am good at what I am not, and what gifts I have……. I was wondering again, how our children always bring up the same songs, poems, games we played as children ie; ME chinese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke. ha. Then I realized that is probably because us the parents are teaching them some of our games we remember as children…………I want to get some board games to play with the kids and start playing cards with them as well as painting again…………Yesterday Jac and I went to Trader Joes’ and I bought a lot of groceries. I was feeling sort of non creative in the kitchen and I shoudl know that Trader Joes’ is a quick cure for that. Last night made ahi, and it was delicious. Have the cooking creativity flowing……..oh and you have never tried your kids pillow pet, try it. They should make adult ones…….maybe with a little vibrator area. ha ha……..jk…..Gotta run.

From my-life

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