locked in the shower

by Amy Cubbison on October 28th, 2011

Oh my……William just locked Kaylee and Jac in the shower……It is never a dull moment with the three of them……..William has been so hyper this trip….Love that boy but he is never easy and never has been since his first breath of life…..He has dynamic qualities that will make him successful and have an exciting life, but for now, at thirteen, not easy…..I know I said I would not talk about him anymore. I do my best but gotta vent every once in a while…….. So I had some Marriot Rewards and so we came to the desert for a night. Certainly not like we use to do when we have come in the past but never the less, still nice. It is a tradition and I love it up here. Just getting a tiny dose of a vacation, reminds me of how necessary they are. THe most wonderful thing of all is me enjoying my children. My heart is over flowing with love for them…….Last night, we got in the boat and i looked at the family next to us, and I knew them from San diego. She is mutual friends with MElanie. It was ironic but made for a nice surprise. WE enjoyed each other’s company. They are a darling family, and seem so connected and happy-just as they should be. They have a three year old little boy who is adorable. Kaylee and Jac were playing with him so cute. Watching Trina with her three year old son, reminded me of how in love I was with William, my first born. That love is the most amazing love that any person can ever experience-giving birth to your child, and seeing them for the first time………..I am sure I have said this numerous times but it is worthy of writing, and reminding myself and others again, and again. ……………..Today I feel much better than I did the previous day. Andrew and I went out and stayed up late, which I have not done in a while. We had great fun though, and even had some karate sparring. I love my guy friends………that is until they get a girlfriend and then they make my friend cut me off. It has happened a lot. i guess I have to put myself in their shoes, as I always try to do. As you probably know I am not good at good byes, and I get attached to people, that I connect with on a deep level……I am so naive about relationships and find it difficult to be more than friends and then just be friends. I guess that is because I was married for twenty some years, and never really experienced the breaking up and then not having someone in my life anymore…..Someone asked me the other day why I always want a companion around or people. I replied,”That is a true statement and a good question.” I have been thinking about it a lot. Actually two people addressed it with me. I said I was on the way to find that out with this new amazing therapist, that was modeling loving myself completely and feeling whole. I had to stop due to my budget cuts but I want to return someday> I am reading, and listening and going to classes all to help me achieve this on my own as well. Not to mention the hard knocks of life that I am learning now….Powerful lessons. I know compared to most people I know I am still very fortunate but again…..Life is all relative. P.s. that is another one of my favorite sayings. So my Dad’s favorite one was,”Soup is better the next day.” Oh and “Dont’ even spend three dollars on a starbucks coffee.” I use to laugh at that fact and concept but now I realize it all adds up and is true…………Man I am writing a lot, I think it is because I am away and that is when I get peaceful and connect with myself to find my creativity and intentions……..So back to why I dont like to be alone to much. I think being married so long has something to do with it, and I also think not having my kids full time. I know I can get back to there to completely enjoy being alone and reap the benefits of it. It just takes doing it and getting use to it. When I get there I will attract healthier relationships with everyone. If you could just sit in my body and feel all the love in my heart and feelings. It is quite overwhelming at times…………William, JP, Marsha and I all played tag football at the park the other day. It was the most fun, I have had in a long time. Good, clean, healthy fun. It reminds me of how I acted, and played as a child and that is a wonderful thing….Gotta get out of the rut of doing the same things over and over again. I will always love to cook for friends and family but I want to get out there and see shows, movies, and try new things……….Keepin it real, and living life.

From my-life

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