Another positive trait about getting older

by Amy Cubbison on January 6th, 2012

When I was younger, I had so many beliefs that stifled me, and I was so afraid to say or write, paint or say something not right……as I get older and hopefully more mature, I count the blessings with each flaw increasing (that i try to delay)……and one of the positive things is the freedom to paint, write, or do things my way…yes the world can judge and there is a time and a place for appropriateness, however once i let go of painting in the lines, and how i was told to do it-i left my fear behind of not being perfect, or what someone may call perfect. I honestly think everyone should paint and free write…with out punctuation or thinking to much. It is freeing and a great exercise and gets one’s creativity flowing…Even if they are not a natural at it…….That reminds me how much I love painting and need to get back to it sooner than later…………Maybe I
should not do it on my blog as much but i love to freedom on my blog, to say what i want, how I want……Just had to get that out…….It is funny-my friend was talking about how important first impressions are especially in the business world…..I get it in the business world but not so much in a social world…It depends where I am. I mean there is always respect both ways, and the certain way to act acceptable but, the little details do not matter to me……Just be real and authentic…….I dont like it when people dont get me at first, but then i love it when they finally do….and if they don’t their loss………..Had some thoughts yesterday about more of the things I have learned over the past year……One of them is to not talk about myself so much….it is boring and self centered. Ofcourse on my blog that is different as I am writing to clarify and come to decisions…..I am being more private and i do see how when I tell others TOO much that it comes back to haunt me…..I just live in my own reality of love…So in the year ahead I want to perfect my listening skills and reflecting back what i hear with my kids, family and friends……..I also see how important not only others boundaries are and my own as well!! My voice is getting louder and stronger…….I also (dont faint) found a part time job…..I actually am starting today. It is what I was talking about a while back……cooking, driving, and teaching the mentally challenged…I am so excited about it especially because I finally found something that is my purpose….I want to nuture and help the world a bit (do my part)…..so I am surprised I am so excited about this…I can work my tshirts and around my children’s schedule..I can also do some of my other dream things on side…..I got so many congratulations yeserday it was embarrassing…cute but I was a bit embarrassed ……I have not worked in years….. other than my tshirt company which runs itself at this point…..and charlene.:)….But I have done the most important work there is to raise three children……who are turning out wonderful……I found a good way to real in my teen….he is disrespectful and I put his phone on hold…..It is working……….Had Kaylee sleep with me last night….I have missed snuggling with her……The kids have been with neil at night this week, as I have had a busy one……Here is another example of projection or one’s reality being one’s reality……Yesterday I was on the phone with the bank ( my goal is no bounced checks this year)……:) and He asked for information. I could not find the information and I could tell he was getting so annoyed…I was upset that he had no patience………And was apologetic as I was getting pissed off, and wanting to complain………LAter that day, I was on the phone with a company and they could not find my name, or hear how I was spelling it. My mother would blame it on how fast I speak which is true, but I was going to pace of a turtle annunciating each letter, and she did not get it. The funny thing was I was doing the same thing the guy from bank did to me earlier today……….It just shows we need to all be more patient……..I was not mean, but again we can all look at our situation and things we like or dislike in others and work on that in ourselves………I have continued to reach out to certain people, only to be disappointed…….I have to let go of others and give them the freedom to engage or not, but I do know this year is one to surround me and my children around tolerable, kind people…….We choose our friends so why would we choose someone who disrespects us or treat us poorly??? Or does not respond???? Again it is all about me valuing myself and being a good role model for my children……..This roommate thing is tough but it is teaching me tons of lessons……..and I thank God for that……..Also my father had a bad day yesterday and had to go back to the hospital…..This is so sad and tough, ……….Everyone say’s i need to enjoy him, but prepare for the worst however I will never be able to fully understand how hard it is until it happens……To me watching my Daddy in bed, and seeming weak to others, he does not seem like that to me….He is my father, my rock, my handsome, loving, kind man who was and is a true gentleman and kind to the world…..

From my-life

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