What a difference a day makes

by Amy Cubbison on March 27th, 2012

What a difference a day makes……I know life has gotten better, and things are now feeling in my control..I still have bad days, humbling and struggling on certain days…..THis is all a process for me. I hate to be negative or complain but as they say and I am finding to be true…..When we feel bad enough, or sad enough, or angry enough-that is when we make changes…And I am making changes. It is just a nice reminder to myself when I feel somewhat defeated to hold on, and fake it until I make it……I have felt completely depleted and maxed out. There are some things I can write about or choose to write about and others I choose not to.. I have had no alone time, and believe it or not, I am craving it now. I see how restorative it is and necessary. Even a social butterfly as myself. I am craving alone time since I never get it. I don’t think anyone who does not have children, can understand the magnitude or how exhausting parenting is. We are responsible or I am responsible for three little people. It is no longer about ourselves although that human nature somewhat perpetuates taking care of one self before our children. Anyways I would not trade in parenting for anything in the world. It is my purpose, my challenge, my lessons and , my love. It is just tough when I am finally growing up and should have done this before I had children….However we can only start with today and make changes…When I write, cook, connect or paint…I feel alive, and that is what I am meant to do. There are so many areas or places I feel inadequate, but it is okay. I have never been one to claim or try to be perfect in all areas. Anyways once again the last few years have not been in vain…..My narcissistic stage, of getting attention and being shallow, followed by a wild streak. All from learning to communicate my feelings instead of acting on things behind closed doors…..Taking steps to separate…taking steps to make careless decisions, and make major mistakes, which are followed by lessons and major regrets…..learning that people are not all good, that I don’t love or know someone after I have met them four times………That struggling does make me stronger, and appreciate money like I never have had to……To say little and over deliver (thanks to a friend for that 🙂 anyways I could go on but I think that is enough for my mind and others as well……..Yesterday I felt defeated, today I worked for my brother and got in touch with the side of me, that is a survivor, and good at some things….and it felt great…….So i am grateful for that today!!! I want to be a role model for my children and have them learn from my mistakes before they have to learn all of them one by one, as I do.

From my-life

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