by Amy Cubbison on April 15th, 2012

Ouch in more ways than one…..One is that my lower back has been hurting this trip. I am not sure if it was the long flight sitting down, or the swing dancing with my nephew, in super high platforms…..but it has not been good. I have been somewhat hedonistic this vacation eating, drinking, shopping  and being merry. Very merry….I have to cleanse when I come back…:). I saw a photo last night and my face looked puffy…not the look I am going for or like……..ONe thing about being on the shorter side is my body and face show my actions, if I am not taking good care of myself…anyway OHHHMM!!! Leave my ego at the door!!!! I have been reading some Buddhist teachings, and I am savoring the words….i want to spend more of my time, enriching my inside and improving my meditation techniques as well as delve in to some Cds on Buddhism. …..The other ouch was over hearing something not so flatterning about myself from a relative. NOt in a superficial way  and coming from love, but still a a little hurtful. I am trying to just hear the message decipher what they are saying, and not be hurt…Just the fact that it stings, there is some validity and truth in it I know……………Two more days of my vacation………It has been so wonderful and healing…..I have had so many memories resurface about my childhood. THe greenery, the trees, the flowers are all so pretty and hold a lot of nostalgia for me. Where we are staying is where I stayed with my mother when she and my father were separated. So when we drive by homes, places, tunnels etc. I remember observing them going back and forth from our home, as I was five……I also keep remembering my father when he was so young, fit and vital…..This has been difficult for me………I feel as if  I am getting in touch with my roots again. I Need to appreciate how I am half a Philly suburb girl. I see how my personality is the way it is, as east coasters definitely tend to speak their mind. I am digging observing the differences in people, compare to San Diego. People are much more say it like it here, and not as much polished. IT is in some ways refreshing but in other ways shocking……..Last night I saw some relatives I have not seen in years…..I had a lump in my throat the entire night…….The other night my awesome nephews Andrew Marks, and Jordan Marks, took me to  gay, piano bar. At first the flirty side of me, was like how can that be fun? I admit that is and sounds shallow but the thought passed my mind….I have to tell you it was one of the most fun nights I have ever had…Everyone seemed so genuine there and I even met some new friends…I was also pleased at how many compliments I received internally and externally  …I mean really who does not like to be flattered???…Earlier that evening my brother in law said my father was having a hard time walking and not doing great. So for as much fun as we were having, my father was in and on my mind…Hence the nostalgic show tunes , amongst the people all shapes and sizes, singing and connecting my emotions were triggered.  Even if I cry occasionally, it feels good and healthy to me. It releases a lot of built up things in my mind….Ask Lou he has seen me cry plenty of times over the past few years.:)  Good friend and guy he is….I always feel better the day after………I just had one of the best massages ever. It was so needed an appreciated. The woman did a very nurturing , calming but yet deep massage. She even did some energy work, which I felt run through my body.  Tonight is low key night.  Going to see my other brother for dinner…..Last night my nieces birthday party was super fun. I really enjoyed meeting all of her friends or seeing them again. You can tell she is thoroughly loved. There were many speeches that were very touching.  I also had some great conversations with family members. Yesterday we went to Nordstroms in Philly…..I was like a kid in a candy store, or a kid at DIsneyland…..I was over whelmed with how many things I wanted in there.  The fashions are so cute. I needed blinders on like a horse…..I did not like seeing the materialism surface in me again. I just realized I need to avoid going in to Nordstroms for a long while. ……Well time to take a bath and do some core strengthening exercises before going out to dinner AGAIN…..btw the food is amazing here….I am very grateful to  my sister lisa and my brother in law Barry for being so kind to me on this vacation…..much needed vacation.

From my-life

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