So much

by Amy Cubbison on May 31st, 2012

So much to cover as time has been passing but I hope and pray that I can remember and capture the special moments……I was looking through photo albums the other day. It was very emotional for me. Looking at the happy memories and how my children were so little and have grown so much. It feels bitter sweet…..Anyways you know me super sentimental and nostalgic. That is why life is so precious to me…Anyways Kaylee turned Eight. So now I have 8, 10 and 13 respectfully……..The teens are harder than I expected but not harder than I heard…The main thing is I need and want to preserve his privacy so I am very limited in what I can write…..The great news is we are getting a long great and he is very open and honest with me. That is a blessing and a curse……I worry for him during these years and hope he makes wise decisions…….That is where faith comes in……Btw I have gone back to church…..and I am loving it……When my fears or worries start to arise, then church and faith helps me so……Miles is an amazing preacher, really engaging and funny…..I love that he is not judgmental or a hypocrite. His church is open to everyone…..I tell my kids and I truly believe and respect most all religions and think they are very necessary and important for everyone……William is going to a youth group which makes me happy. He is super in to skate boarding, and just started surfing……..We signed Kaylee up for cheerleading. She is so excited. She bops and cheers around the house…It was funny when I signed her up, I could tell that most mom’s were cheerleaders themselves…People think I was but I was not…..I always say I did not have enough confidence in myself at that time of my life . I would have loved it though…..HOpe Kaylee does not get burned out on it, as it is expensive…..Jac signed up for competative soccer and got a partial scholarship again. yahoo………I bid and won a jersey from Manchester United on ebay signed by all players and he is over the moon…I need to make his room here nicer so he wants to stay here more. He is so attached to his daddy…..I do feel happy that Neil and I are spending time as a family still and that we both have good relationships with the children…..I love my breaks but when I get them again, they fill my heart and soul. There is nothing better!! I see how I was to passive with William in the past and that is contributing to somewhat lack of control during his teens. I am upset about this but the only thing I can do is step it up with Jac, and Kaylee and keep on top of William………….Tomorrow Kaylee and I are invited to Las vegas in a big huge suite with our friends Chris and Dyane. We are going for four days. I am looking forward to it. There are so many fun parks for kids to go to and I have not been there in a long time……I am missing the RIviera party friday night, which are always so fun, but one outweighs the other…Nice to have options………My life feels good now. I feel very balanced, more than I have in years…..I manage my time with my tshirts, kids, working for my brother part time, keeping house, being social and maintaining my health, body and mind…..I am really liking our home. I am staying on top of keeping it clean, and that feels good…..It is a lot of work though……And to think I used all of that time for Facebook. Which btw I am still off. It has been soooo therapeutic to me to be off of it. As much as I thought I liked to be open, it lent to me some feelings of vulnerability and insecurity………I am also continuing to do some charitable work with the Mentally challenged, as well as going to volunteer at the Polinski center…….I have been listening to the CD”s lou gave me over a year ago……THey are Edgar Toile…..Called “A New Earth.” They are finally resonating with me and helping me to realize just how in the EGO I was…and we all are….The cd’s are definitely changing my thinking for the better………..So now that William is not so much worried about hiding me any longer, Kaylee and Jac are showing signs and letting me know what to do or not to do so they don’t get embarrassed. The other day I was lost and very frustrated. I ended up asking for directions from anyone on the street. I saw Kaylee slumping down in her chair…..ha ha…..I remember those days……so I gave them signs to tell me when I should quite it or cut it……:)……The other day I reminded Kaylee of when she use to say the Messy Elf came and messed up her room. She laughed and said to me,” I can’t believe you bought that?” ha ha. Now she texts me or did text me until she lost her phone (jac did as well) Never again…but anyways she text me hilarious things like,” No way Sista.” Love her spunk and personality……….So most days I am coming from gratitude , humbled by my mistakes and being to open with my private affairs. I worry about my father a lot, as he is aging rapidly. Yesterday Will and I had lunch with him and Victor. He often has tears in his eyes, which kills me inside. I try to look at it to being a positive thing, as he is touched by memories….The other day was Grandparents day, and when My father saw Kaylee, he started crying. Kaylee was rubbing my father’s cheeks and drying his tears. It was so touching……..Afterwards Kaylee said to me, ‘He probably saw me and was reminded of how you were at my age. ‘ She is a lovely old soul………..Today I was suppose to work, and or go to volunteer luncheon at school however Jac’s tummy is hurting. HE threw up so plans have changed……..I do need to do some work, and clean up as well as get ready for our trip so it is a little blessing in disguise………….

From my-life

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