Frustration and joy

by Amy Cubbison on July 15th, 2012

Frustration and Joy…..that about sums up a large part of life……I am actually in a good mood today and as of late although there has been some Mommy things to deal with. I am frustrated at the fact that I put an add in US magazine and then had multiple problems with my site. That hurt some sales. I also found out recently that there are some glitches in my system, site and check out. That are all being fixed right now, and the check out one was corrected. Ugh. IT does come down to me, once again, trusting others and to own my part, not taking the initiative to be thorough and check someone else’s work or word out. THere is my lazy part……….Along with life’s ups and downs and my growth, I am acknowledging or observing where I can get in a victim role or negative wave. I am always saying that I can’t stand pessimists or negativity but once again when I accuse I see where myself can have moments of that. So the good news is the first step to change is realizing it. My negativity is sort of hidden in me, or I should of, could of, would of. I Spent a lot of my life wishing I had done things differently, or not appreciating the space I was in life……So at this time in my life when I feel pretty happy, I notice and stop myself when I go down that road. Then I tell myself start the change today…..as cliche as it sounds, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” ………enough Amy insight………Having a great summer with my kids and friends, with a lil work on the sides….Suppose to go to Teen Choice award giveaway this weekend but probably going to opt out. I was burning candle at both ends last week, and it caught up to me. Albeit it was working, wining, dining, entertaining, and socializing, it wore me out…………..Today is a beautiful day and we are going to go to the pool, with the kids. I want to go to church tonight as that is a key missing piece in my life, where I feel different inside. THe other day Wills had knee surgery and I was so afraid for him to go under. I had several panic attacks. I felt so vulnerable. I also saw many children at the hospital with much more serious problems and witnessed the fear on the parents faces. It was the first time any of my children went under anesthesia or any operation for that matter….I was shaking and the nurse gave me a stuffed animal as well. ha ha. btw Children’s hospital is brilliant. THe staff was a amazing. Anyways another new experience in life and all is well……..From this date forward I am suppose to pretend I dont’ have a teenager son. William is forbidding me from writing about him in my blog………Well the other day when I did all my things to calm me down, one of them was play Christian music…..I told my sister, I know its bad when I start singing Jesus hyms in my car…………I can talk my down from most of my fearful times now but every once in a while my mind goes on a journey to a fearful place………….Opening day is Wednesday and a bunch of friends and I are going to the Il Palio room in turf. I am looking forward to it, since last years experience……….When I came back from my trip, Kaylee and Jac had made welcome home cards for me. They were soooo cute. Kaylee wrote a poem that said, I love you more than icecream, candy, lollypops and sweets cuz you are my MOmmy and you are my treat! Jac and I have also made some big progress and headway…….Bottom line I am in love and thankful for my children and my life…….I just need to take control of some other areas in my life, and I am and I will………………….

From my-life

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