BItter Sweet

by Amy Cubbison on January 19th, 2013

Bitter Sweet.

Enjoying my time with my family out here. At such a sad time, some really heart warming things are coming up. Along with all of the tear shedding there are special memories and words being said. THe other night my brother was talking to my father and my father had tears in his eyes. He cries somewhat often. It must be very tough to have a lot of feelings and thoughts in his head, and not be able to speak them. We are all trying to say uplifting things to my father and bring up fun childhood memories. My father recognizes his children and holds all of our hands. He kisses my hand all of the time, and I love when he kisses my lips. I have never done so much crying in my life. My brother David, who is very successful and in charge of the family recycling business, is super close with my Dad. They worked together for years. He keeps talking to my father and telling him it is okay for him to pass. It is so hard to hear but they say very important to say. My father kept on looking at me as if he can’t go until he knows I am okay and settled. My brother promised he would take care of me several times to my father………yahoo… Lets hope he means it..:) ………….As I said before I have many concerns in my life right now. I am trying to break them apart and take little steps. I really need to make more money. So as I said starting work for my brother in marketing next week. Going to do the ebay store, and hopefully selling my business… Feeling and seeing a lot of loss in my life right now….It is very tough to have a friend that adds so much to your life and then have it gone. The loss in painful especially during this time in my life. I just have to play positive messages in my head so the old ones dont come up…..:) I need to learn and own my part and not take it personally. I am alternating between empathy, sadness, hurt and anger. The normal stages….My anger never lasts long,,,,…I am taking measures to get out there again……but mainly focus on my career, children and health…..I am happy I lost weight I feel like I look so much better with a few lbs off. Another job that I was considering getting involved with was learning to put hearing aids in people. I love the elderly and I want to do something that is caring and working with people. Since I have a degree, I would just need to do a two month course……………My sister and I are laughing a lot. We use to go to New York every spring and live it up like this. She is treating me and giving me the love and support I so desperately need……We are teaching one another things. SHe is from the east coast so she is in a rush a lot . She say’s everyone out here is nice and happy……It is true. We are so lucky to live here……..Anyways another year and I am going to make it a good one……Learn from more of my mistakes, make better choices, share my love with whom is worthy of it………I am loving my New Lincoln car. It drives like a dream and hardly uses any gas…….Tonight we are all invited to Fiona’s house for a dinner party……….WE will be with my father all day…….I have a spiritual healer coming which should make my father more at peace……She is awesome, loving, bubbly and caring. She told me I have that gift but I need to get focused more…..:)……I miss my babies but am enjoying my time away and with my father on his last days…….I also found out hospice has free grief counseling…….I will look forward to that…….I miss my Eugenia. 🙁
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From my-life

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