by Amy Cubbison on July 10th, 2013

Took the kids to monsters university movie yesterday. I did not realize that it was going back in time. Kaylee told me. I am so amazed by how much my children notice and sometimes teach me things…..It was cute but tooo long…One of those movies where you think it is ending and it keeps flipping…..ugh….Kaylee was upset that i text in the theater….Kaylee is a little Mommy and a rule follower. I am learning to follow rules more but my nature is a free spirit…..I had a lot of positive dreams last night. I stood up for myself, in fact yesterday was a very positive day for me. I had some challenges with a few people and I cleared it up directly. …Owning my part etc….Then William and I had the best talk we have ever had. He told me so many private things that made me appreciate our bond. I also realized what a good head on his shoulders he has….He feels as if he is judged sometimes before someone get’s to know him, and I explained that happens to me. I try not to judge and get to know someone. We live in a gossipy area….which is not a good thing. Most of the time I do not care what people think if I am confident in how I am mothering etc. Once in a while when I have a bad day or make the wrong decision then I always feel the recourse……….Yesterday when Jac , Kaylee and I went to lunch we had a very good talk. We talked about my car accident and how scary it was for them. They asked me tons of questions and made a lot of interesting insights. So yesterday was a nice day of connection for me. I am going to be proactive in all areas of my life. I made some short term and long term goals and committed myself to do somethings to help me to learn to love myself more……as we can’t make changes to ourselves until we truly love ourselves…..and I have had struggles with that a lot in life. I think it is partly due to growing up Catholic, and being half jewish…..Guilt and shame from both sides……….I keep having this message in my head, saying “you will be okay no matter, what and changing my frame of mind to I am not good enough to I am good enough…Being exposed so much makes me vulnerable but that is part of growing, living, and loving…I need to keep looking inward not outward to feel good…….and then I will probably make my blog private….although I do keep a lot of things private these days……..Today we are going to the pool with friends….Having a nice summer. We are leaving for Aspen on Sunday…..I think it will be the perfect get away……I keep hearing the best comments about being there in July. I heard there are rolling in thunderstorms with humidity……I love that. Thunderstorms are so romantic…….Seeing new places is always refreshing to me and I need that…..Jac had to get some blood tests on his thyroid. Please pray for him….I am nervous……Nothing else matters to me when I am worried about my loved ones health. …….Last night we went to Kristine’s house for pool and movies. The kids had a blast. Jac had a few girlfriends that he knew at the house…..He was cute with them and then they were texting all night. ………Today I am also going to take my children, to the library .My mother keeps telling me that the library is a great, free place for kids and they have so many activities Then I started thinking about how wonderful the library is for homeless people. Reading is such an escape and I think that is great for the community to offer…… I just had two memories resurface. I always find it interesting how certain memories are permanently stuck in my mind. I wonder what was so special or significant to me even when they were just words or a moment in time…….Anyways what triggered the memory as my friend and I were talking about kids and pools, and how we worry. I then remembered that when I was four years old, I almost drowned and a deaf child saved me. I can’t remember it well but I think that is where my fear of water comes from. I do love to swim. That pool memory triggered another memory when I almost choked on a plum pit when I was little….I guess those events as well as my tragic car accident, means that God wants me to be around for a while.
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