A long one………….long but overdue just like my bills are. jk. Not really

by Amy Cubbison on February 7th, 2018

It is time for a check in honesty blog……I will try and make it brief…… and turn this bitch fest around. πŸ™‚……..Been going through a heck of a time……..It all started months back when I wanted to go over our family trust fund and find out details………..It did not go over smoothly but I did learn that I am learning to stand up for myself as well, as ask for what I want………Everyone has always told me I have drama around……………I do admit to liking some and feeling passionately feels good..but one way to add drama to my life, that I have learned is have better boundaries and tell people how you feel, of course in a nice way……….So that started a plethora and a domino effect of negative crap. I try to be positive and an optimist t but God keeps throwing me lessons one after another…………I get a few breaks in between but it has been like seven years…………….I have gotten much better at priorities, living in the moment and realize material things do not make happiness *to bad many never get this” Then my brother and I have had a lot of problems that I will not go in to but greatly effected me……………..My dear friend Christine has passed………………..recently as I am sure you have followed on Facebook. That scares me and saddens me so much. I don’t want my children to leave the house anymore………I feel so protective……………I just heard Pinks’ new song, I fricken love her and it say’s I want to go back and be in my room with my Barbies.” That hit home with me,. I always think about when I was little, loved, and safe in my room, in my home with both of my parents and Minor……I keep telling my kids to appreciate it. I try and make the house as cozy, loving and inviting as I can………..So on top of that and trying to get student loans so I can go to grad school full time., which I by the way LOVE>>>>.it is my saving grace………..I love everyone in my class and I love learning…..and it is sooo interesting. Thank God for that. I just have to get better with the pressure and anxiety I feel before a final or paper……I don’t know if you know this but no b’s in grad school…………I always wanted to be one of those students that was like, I did not study, and I got an A. Never fricken happened to me. If I did not study I failed…….I study day and night now and hopefully that will continue to pan out. BTW I also have never been that person that is like I just dropped ten pounds and I did not even try> What miss a meal? Ha ha. I always feel like stress makes me thinner but the scale tells otherwise……….in my next life…….that with a heart that does not feel so deeply…….To summarize my bitch fest, My kids wont sit and play God Damn games with me. Kaylee barely will watch a show with me. I have to beg. πŸ™‚ I am glad they are independent and happy but I miss them……..hence school and career late in life. Finally on top of that , I feel unattractive lately and older. I seem to notice every little flaw….and I do see how stress does take a toll on you. (me) I think I finally look Middle aged?? Argh………I am trying to work on my insides and not care to much or put too much importance on it but it is not easy……….I like being cute and everything that goes with that…….Hopefully it is just a down time, and I know my hormones are up to something crazy………….I have that all too familiar feeling that I have had in my life where I feel like I am trying so hard and it is not enough, and others do not appreciate it…….Yes victim mentality and I wont stay in that feeling for long…….but I am a puppy who just wants kindness adn love in this dog eat dog world………….My faith in humanity will come back as always ……….so for now No MORE MURDER MYSTERIES< OR AM TALK RADIO>>>>>>>>> goodbye, au revoir fo now……….xoxox……….It is time for a check in honesty blog……I will try and make it brief…… and turn this bitch fest around. πŸ™‚……..Been going through a heck of a time……..It all started months back when I wanted to go over our family trust fund and find out details………..It did not go over smoothly but I did learn that I am learning to stand up for myself as well, as ask for what I want………Everyone has always told me I have drama around……………I do admit to liking some and feeling passionately feels good..but one way to add drama to my life, that I have learned is have better boundaries and tell people how you feel, of course in a nice way……….So that started a plethora and a domino effect of negative crap. I try to be positive and an optimist t but God keeps throwing me lessons one after another…………I get a few breaks in between but it has been like seven years…………….I have gotten much better at priorities, living in the moment and realize material things do not make happiness *to bad many never get this” Then my brother and I have had a lot of problems that I will not go in to but greatly effected me……………..My dear friend Christine has passed………………..recently as I am sure you have followed on Facebook. That scares me and saddens me so much. I don’t want my children to leave the house anymore………I feel so protective……………I just heard Pinks’ new song, I fricken love her and it say’s I want to go back and be in my room with my Barbies.” That hit home with me,. I always think about when I was little, loved, and safe in my room, in my home with both of my parents and Minor……I keep telling my kids to appreciate it. I try and make the house as cozy, loving and inviting as I can………..So on top of that and trying to get student loans so I can go to grad school full time., which I by the way LOVE>>>>.it is my saving grace………..I love everyone in my class and I love learning…..and it is sooo interesting. Thank God for that. I just have to get better with the pressure and anxiety I feel before a final or paper……I don’t know if you know this but no b’s in grad school…………I always wanted to be one of those students that was like, I did not study, and I got an A. Never fricken happened to me. If I did not study I failed…….I study day and night now and hopefully that will continue to pan out. BTW I also have never been that person that is like I just dropped ten pounds and I did not even try> What miss a meal? Ha ha. I always feel like stress makes me thinner but the scale tells otherwise……….in my next life…….that with a heart that does not feel so deeply…….To summarize my bitch fest, My kids wont sit and play God Damn games with me. Kaylee barely will watch a show with me. I have to beg. πŸ™‚ I am glad they are independent and happy but I miss them……..hence school and career late in life. Finally on top of that , I feel unattractive lately and older. I seem to notice every little flaw….and I do see how stress does take a toll on you. (me) I think I finally look Middle aged?? Argh………I am trying to work on my insides and not care to much or put too much importance on it but it is not easy……….I like being cute and everything that goes with that…….Hopefully it is just a down time, and I know my hormones are up to something crazy………….I have that all too familiar feeling that I have had in my life where I feel like I am trying so hard and it is not enough, and others do not appreciate it…….Yes victim mentality and I wont stay in that feeling for long…….but I am a puppy who just wants kindness adn love in this dog eat dog world………….My faith in humanity will come back as always ……….so for now No MORE MURDER MYSTERIES< OR AM TALK RADIO>>>>>>>>> goodbye, au revoir fo now……….xoxox……….

From my-life

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