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May 10 16

Back on track

by Amy Cubbison

What I mean by being back on track Is that I am in full Mommy mode now. I had such a super social weekend starting on Thursday-from Robyn’s Bday celebrations to mother’s day. Yesterday I took a day to just stay in bed most of the day and work on my computer projects It LeaveMeB.com , my memoir and other things. I did not make dinner for Kaylee after dance and she was so upset with me. I just bought her frozen dinners for those rare nights when I am to spent to cook. I made up for it tonight and made her, one of her favorites :Turkey chile…….I read some of my blog to my children from ten years back. They laughed, and did not believe some of the things I wrote. They said I must of embellished them? Possibly. I have been known to embellish a bit. It was really fun though and I am excited to have those entries for them to read later on in life.

May 6 16

Life is a circle and a cycle

by Amy Cubbison

Oh my………..it is life recycling……..When Will was little he told me to be stricter when I did, he was so devastated. He wrote me this cute not that showed me how to do it very gradually . I have it hanging up. I have been somewhat spoiling Kaylee lately……Yesterday I told her No a couple of times, for a while. She was sulking. I told her she was acting very spoiled and I must be doing much to much for her….Today she told me that I need to take it easy on her and only say no very once in a while until she gets use to it. hahah Diaryofahousewife#  Diaryofadivoree#  LeaveMeB# LeavemeB.com/blog#

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May 6 16

I am woman hear me pour!

by Amy Cubbison

I have not entered in my blog for almost two years. That is for a few reasons. Mainly my site was down and had to be transferred for a long time. I did not know how to maintain, add or control my website on my own. I finally learned everything that I have been paying others to do. I am alsays so afraid of what I do not know, especially technology. I feel very proud of myselfourd of myself. The past two years have been horrific. My father passed away……….the love of my life and I miss him terribly. We were as close as can be. There never was or will be a man as pure as my Daddy. I feel his spirit in me daily and in my dreams. My eldest son was partaking in some drug use and that was the most trying time. Happy to say he is in recovery and doing really well. I also had a cancer scare. I had a growing lump in my breast.  I had to have another surgery but thankfully it was benign.  This year seems to be better so far. I am writing a memoir along with getting my site back up and running. My kids now are 11, 14 and 17…………yikes!!!

Jun 4 14

Back….again

by Amy Cubbison
I usually write my gratitude journal private but today I wanted to share……
I have had a step back but that does not discount all of my recent steps forward.
Something always comes good out of something bad, we just need to be patient….
I am so excited about William listening to me ……I am so happy that I have new carpets and I am going to get my house completely organized as well as my head. I am grateful that I have a new day everyday to try my best at being the best Mom and person I can be…..It feels very good when I know I have been that……I am trying to take one day at a time, one good decision at a time, and keep my priorities in line……One thing that I have confirmed with my happily married friends and my single mom friends is we live different lives………and when one is in the married position they tend to judge the single moms…..but please remember you have a life partner and everyone wants a relationship and to connect with someone to be by their side……So that is something that is important………but we just have to keep our children protected and keep it in context…….
Oh and I am grateful for all of my fabulous friends and family…that they love me through my struggles to love myself more and make better decisions……I think I am winning……
Jan 21 14

Help??

by Amy Cubbison

As they were sick much of the week so we were going to doctors visits, pharmacies, and cranky in between-shouting out orders for this and that. I took the dog for a walk and Jac had the nerve to call me and tell me his soup got cold. I said you can put it in the microwave. ……….I had some fun on Sunday for a football party and then a friend and I went out to dinner to Cucina Enotecha. It is restaurant week, and they have specials all over. Fixed prices and meals. We shared a delicious chicken dish. It felt good. Now back in the grind. Getting the kids up this morning was NOT fun. It was an especially bad morning as they missed school last week. It was a bad….tuesday morning……I was all smiles when I got them out the door all together and I got to go to the gym and work. I had the best day with my teenage son yesterday. We spent some great quality time together. He is a very interesting person. We walked around town, thrift shops. We tried to go on the gardens for the Self Realization Chapel but they were closed. Anyways we will go back together. He is interested in Buddhism as I am . We had great conversation. ……Well I am having a very good day back at work and it feels good. Tonight is my Dad’s bday and we are all gathering at his home. I am going to get a cake for him. We are going to show him much love. I miss him as with the kids sick I did not want to be around him……..All good

Jan 6 14

Good Afternoon

by Amy Cubbison

Someone wrote me a really nasty email to my blog. It was hurtful and not necessary. I am very aware of what I need to do better not to mention that her facts were not correct. That and my dear friend’s illness, plus a lil other things has made me feel sad. It is just a pure sadness. I feel better today but I am going to just feel it and not hide it or avoid it……..Yesterday Dyane and I went with the girls hiking in Torrey Pines. It was soooooooo beautiful and felt so nice. I am going to be hiking more this year ….that and hot yoga…….It is nice to see my friend Christine surrounded by so many dear friends during this time of need….It definitely is making me think about life, my life and how valuable it is

Jan 6 14

Hi

by Amy Cubbison

So much emotion….
My dear friend was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. I have never been so close to someone that had a terminal illness. She is so full of life and love. She is a new friend but we bonded on a spiritual level. It has me questioning a lot of things….. Having challenges with my teenager. Nothing is enough. He asks for favors daily and when I say no he is not nice…….another challenge…..Can someone help me with how to deal with my teenager….I feel hurt……..and i know that is not a good emotion for a parent child but the way he treats me reminds me of unhealthy relationships in my life………Okay now some good news……..My brother has a huge offer for thirty five percent of his business…..This has its benefits and negatives…

Dec 4 13

Grateful

by Amy Cubbison

myself am grateful that our three children are doing well.
I am grateful that I have a deep connection with all of them.
I am grateful my father is still alive and i can kiss him and hold his hand.
I am grateful that I have such a plethora of kind people in my life and that now I realize I can choose an decide whom I want in my life, and let go of toxic people.
I am happy that I am realizing I am a good business woman as well as smart even if I do dingy things sometimes.

I am letting go of things I can’t change and trying to change what I can. I realize I do not have to be treated poorly and work to make others like or love me. I have no control over that.
I am so happy that these days I waked up feeling, healthy, fit and strong and survived some big challenges.
I now embrace how deeply I feel, and how no matter what I still lend my heart out, despite it getting rejected sometimes. I would rather feel deeply than nothing at all.
I am proud of myself for growing daily and improving on all of the things about myself that are no longer cute now.
I am embracing that I am aging as I am so much more a person of depth and I realize I do not want someone that wants me just for the way I look…I am so much more than that. We are all sooo much more than that.
I am grateful that I am authentic, faulty and proudly so, with out feeling ashamed, as I did for much of my life,
I am happy I have found my boundaries, as well as others boundaries, through people who have taught me in my life.
I am grateful that I am taking a risk and doing somethings that I was always afraid to do as I felt the fear of failure.
I am grateful I have a second chance at learning through my children, and trying to teach them the things I wish I would of learned early on…Although life is the best teacher of all.
I am proud that I do not truly miss one materialistic thing that I had to let go of……of course except some with family history or sentimental value.
I am happy that I am not a judgmental person and can love many
I am very proud of myself for doing so many things I use to rely on others to do ie; Cleaning and fixing things. I am now realizing how important it is for me to focus on a task at hand and do the job like Jesus would do it, even if it is taking out the trash.
I admire each and every one of you in some way…….So thank you for being in my life. I think we always need to remember to pull together for we are all one, on this side and other than the blind walk of faith, we are all striving for the same thing……

One wise person told me to live a happy life one must have connection to others, feel appreciated and valued. We must all have a purpose, and have something to look forward to …….
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Dec 4 13

Envy

by Amy Cubbison

Envy
My friend and I were talking the other day about envy….I am not a really jealous person but I can be territorial…..I usually am very happy for all of my friends and families successes…..once in a while I feel envy and I have been feeling that lately. It is not a good feeling…..Especially feels bad when someone does not seem to deserve what their environment is………..I can turn it around and think positive thoughts for the others and put out in the universe that i can have that if I want someday…..but the most beautiful and powerful thing is that I am happy right now in my life……I am waking up feeling blessed lately….I do have some woes but I am taking action…….I wrote all of my goals and dreams down and I am looking at them daily……..I truly see a difference when I write my gratitude journal…..and again the transidental mediation is amazing………I feel very spiritually connected…..I am being in the moment and enjoying now…..I also see how Much of my life, I shopped, flirted, pampered, and dined……to not feel any pain or numb my feelings…Now I can’t do that and I am feeling everything and moving forward….but sometimes I wish I would again. ha ha…….A good friend is going through heart break. I have been there for her, just as friends were there for me…It is sad to see it but puts everything in to perspective…..but the beautiful thing is that Time heals ALL wounds, and we can’t control others feelings or decisions….It is empowering to let go……….We deserve the best, especially when we give so much our ourselves…..I am seeing how anger has its place…….and can be a growing tool……

Nov 25 13

Funny stuff……Smart kid

by Amy Cubbison

Okay you ready for this one……….My lil old soul (Kaylee) told me this morning that she realizes when Moms throw big, fancy parties when they only have a baby, that won’t remember it-it is really for the Mom’s friends to show what a great Mom they are. ha ha ha…….Smarty…
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