back up

by Amy Cubbison on November 29th, 2007

“We did not end up going to the Ham’s last night because Melanie had to much to do to get ready for her girls weekend in vegas-luck!!!! I always say to Wills ,’See Mommy does not go away a lot or for more than one to two nights.”” Anything to help him relax about me leaving……………….I went with a glass of wine to our neighbors last night. I was telling them about the funeral and how it brought up so many emotions in myself. I had another good cry and we talked about our children, our father’s, how difficult life can be etc. My neighbor is very good at being peaceful and being in the moment. She is a great friend/neighbor to have. I am happy they are not moving away………………So back up to two days ago-I know this is going to sound contradictory to everything I was feeling yesterday but-I had the worst “”Mom”” day. Wills stayed home from school because he was driving me crazy about not feeling well. He did not seem very sick and had no temperature. I just gave in to the little bugger. I told him he would have to go on errands with me. He complained the entire time we were out. Kaylee was super bossy and whiny that day. I had a lot on my mind so I was super sensitive. Then I picked Jac up and he was ordering me around. Wills has this terrible habit of screaming at me. It is that he has no impulse control. THen he feels bad and tries to make me smile and make it up to me. It is a viscious cycle and it really gets to me. I don’t like any part of it.Hopefully the therapist can help in that department. Wills was upset that he has gone to therapy. I said,’Don’t be I did and so many of your friend’s have gone, it is nothing to be ashamed of-facing your fears and weaknesses.”” By the way good news-Wills best friend’s mother called and said she did not stop all pladates. Her son was just grounded, and although they do get in trouble occasionally-she really likes Wills and would not stop their play. That was music to my ears. I feel things so strong and so much. As Mike W. say’s,””I need a safety guard/filter on my heart.”” I wonder if I can purchase one anywhere. I feel sorry for the patient that get’s my heart when i doner it away. ………………Anyway back to that day. I was so stressed out. Not only that MOlly our old dog, was barking at me all day. All of the sudden she wants to eat five times a day. The poor little dog has nothing else to live for. It was one of those,’Calgon take me away,”” moments only it was a xanax take me away. Don’t worry I only take two a month about…………………..Yesterday I had a little dispute with a friend that saddened me. It is for the better to have some space and a break. After that Charlene took me out for the nicest lunch for my bday. We went to this charming little place, that I want to go back to. We had such a nice lunch and a great conversation. Charlene is such a good girl, so funny and so animated! She is great company…………………today I want to hang around the house. I want to go to the gym and then one of my friend’s is coming by to take pictures of Kaylee. The boys have karate today adn then tonight I am going to meet my friend Hadley for a drink and then we are celebrating yet another friend’s birthday. I keep meeting more fun, interesting people. There is a fundraiser for the fire victims that we may go to as well. Oh yea I get to dress up tonight……………..Neil got a call from his old time buddy Neil Rhoades from England. He has not spoken to him in years. He is over here for business. Anyway he is coming over for dinner tonight. I am going to make them a nice roast than scidaddle.”

From my-life

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