Before Nap Time

by Amy Cubbison on February 10th, 2009

Each day when Kaylee knows she is going to preschool, the night before she asks me to pick herup before nap time. She only goes three days a week. She does not like nap time, because she always gets in trouble for talking. I am trying to say “i will try,” instead of okay so I dont’ dissapoint my kids and or get in trouble. God knows William is always waiting for me to mess up.

Tomorrow is Kaylee’s valentine’s party. Yesterday I did not send her due to the rain. I hate sending my little one out in the rain. I always kept the boys home then as well……once in a great while I will do it now, but shhhhhh don’t tell anyone. Infact I got a call from the school yesterday congratulating me and the boys on not being as late or as often. I was scared at first and then I was sort of humiliated when I realized how lame it was for me being happy to receive that call.

Anyways I am on a new anti depressant. I think it is working because I have a lot of things happening that normally would make me sad. I have had some falling outs with a couple of friends. Really a lack of communication on both of our parts but unfortunately it turned in to some vindictive behavior and that saddens me and often that is non reparable. I am sure in time we will all miss one another. The sad things is nobody, including me forgets what someone say’s to them in anger. I always tell my kids that. I also realize when I spend too much time with any one friend, we are bound to get fed up with eachother at some point. I remember having that happen when I was little. Jean and I would blow up then have a break then miss eachother.

The truth is that we learn most about someone when we disagree or argue and sometimes that surprises us. I can hold my head up high in the fact that I did not name call or get nasty. Oh well the future of this and of everything in my life is in God’s hands and I feel close to God right now. No matter what my faults are and the lessons I need to learn and things I need to change-I do much better when someone comes from a place where I hurt them rather than being attacked. This is the last I am going to write about this or talk to this to anyone about this. I am sick of thinking about it and somehow like the quiet and simplicity of it-atleast for now.

Kaylee told me that she wants to give her boyfriend Cole (that is what she calls him and she has good taste) a huge valentine. Then she asked me if Cole was going to buy her a horse. I said “I don’t think so.” Damn she is so like me it is frightening-except I am allergic to horses.

The boys did their Valentines tonight as well. Ashleigh came over with her girls and they all ate half of them. I am so happy to have Ashleigh back in my life. She is an amazing role model for me and a great mother to her children. The kids get along great. I know if Wills does not whisper to me as to when everyone is leaving then, he likes them. Now my friend’s are all scared of him. THey keep asking me what time they need to leave and if they don’t he paces around until they do. He watches everything. Ashleigh put him on some homeopathic medicine to help him sleep, not gag or fear throwing up. I hope it helps. I made a doctor appointment for him next week if not. I want the sweet little guy to not worry so much. I also want for him to relax with me sometimes. When he can’t sleep at night, he comes in and listens to the Dive with me and it relaxes him to get to sleep and we hug and or hold hands…….I get him so much and see some of him in myself. It is amazing how he can drive me nuts and I can have pure extreme overwhelming love for him, all in the same day, the same hour………..I have been really busy with business. Tons of orders coming in. yahoo…….thank the lord. My friend is going to help me keep organized and get them out.

Thursday I am volunteering in the boys class room for their valentine’s parties. I was so lucky to miss the planning parties. I can’t stand the long debates on minor incidental things. I want to lose it. Speaking of losing it, I am going to lose it now. Wills is worried and crying. Infact he told me he wants to have the Nanny come back so he can prove to her and the world that he is not unusual. I was thinking they would never let us portray normalcy-but we are not normal…I need to hug Wills when he worries more than react. Hopefully the meds will help with that. Mommy’s real little helper…….Gott run chaos happening and they aired our rerun on Nanny 911 for the 50th time this year. Can we ever live that down??

From my-life

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