Here Today………and Hopefully Tomorrow

by Amy Cubbison on February 14th, 2009

Here today and hopefully 2 mrw……….Not sure about the title but it reminds me of how my warped mind can think at times. As you know I have a somewhat fear/fascination and am an existentialist by nature. I always wonder when someone dies if they left a voicemail right before and the person gets it after they die?? If that was me, I would never erase it.

I am feeling really the need for brain stimulation. I want to become the intelligent person I know I can become. I keep feeling as if one of these days I may give up drinking totally. It brings out my wild side and that is not always a good thing. Oh I almost forgot Happy Valentine’s day.

I was just reading quotes about love. I adore quotes and I sent some out to some friend’s. Then on Facebook I wrote 25 things about me that you may not know. That was sort of fun, since I am one of my favorite subjects, as most people know. It has me thinking of a lot of things now. I need 50 to 100 things about me. Then people would fall asleep when they were reading it. I keep giggling to myself, as I often do to what one of my friend’s said-she is super cute and said she prays for so many people at night, that she often falls asleep while she is doing it. I use to be good like that now my prayers for others on most days is Godbless and protect all my friend’s and family.

My computer keys are sticking. I think my boys spilled milk in them or something wonderful like that. Hope it was milk instead of cookies, atleast that is good for them……….I am having a lot of different feelings lately. One is I keep feeling bad for any time in the past I took away from my children. I was feeling selfish for having so many friend’s and such a social life when I have three humans that I need to put first and foremost. I do spend a lot of time with them but I think my forgetting and disorganization could be lessened if I did not have so many social plans.

By the way still waiting to feel somewhat numb from my antidepressant-no such luck yet. I wonder if I could ever feel numb? Kaylee and I were all set to go out today for lunch and she took a bath cuz her cute little tushie (her words) was hurting. I carried her to the bed in the towel and covered her to stay warm and the next thing you know she was out like a light……I also asked Wills if he wanted to go on a Valentine’s date with me today but he declined and said tomorrow. The military store won.

Neil is super stressed about money. Who is not these days. I am not really bad. Not sure if that is a good thing or not but I always feel as if everything is going to be okay in that realm anyways-hope I am right………I did not go to my friend’s 40th last night. I felt bad because it was going to be such a nice event. I was tired and did not feel well and Neil was not in a social mood. I should not do something the night before an event like that. I fell asleep at nine and slept like a baby. I love to sleep especially on a rainy night when I am warm and cozy.

Wills also did not want me to go and was harrassing me. Then when I told him I would stay he kept on talking to me about diarrea and throw up. I text my friend saying, “Who wants to go to a party when you can talk about defication all night.” I don’t mean to make light of it but I have to-it truly stresses me out..

We cancelled our plans to go to the desert. I am happy because my brother and nephew are in town. It is also suppose to rain there and be cold………uh no thanks. Just what I want to do is be stuck in a hotel room with three bored kids…….My kids gave me special cards today and wrote lovely things in them. Made my heart smile. One day at a time. That is a perfect thing to remind ourselves everyday. It makes life more simple.

Regarding my friend situation. I miss her but I know that this is for the better for now. I think sometimes one can get too close and then the boundries get mixed up and the friendship gets too complicated. I am not one for staying angry. I have often thought of picking up the phone to tell her something that she gets and then I rememeber that we no longer talk.

Tonight we are going to dinner with my parents. brothers and his girlfriend. I am looking forward to it. Originally we were going to have a family dinner but this came up and sounded really nice to me. Wills hates when plans change but I don’t know how to prevent that or deal with it for that matter.

I have the Oscar giveaway coming up. Not really in the mood but going to go with the flow and see what life opportunities open up…………..Had tons of memories and thoughts I wanted to preserve so hopefully they will come back to my mind, in the next few days………Have a great valentine’s day and may your life b filled with a lot of love. I will leave you with this quote that I adore by Yuni “Love is not about looking outside yourself to find it but merely seeking inside oneself to find the barriers within you that may prevent it.”

From my-life

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