Checkin In

by Amy Cubbison on March 13th, 2009

I seem to be doing a lot of checking in these days. There is a lot of sadness and sickness around me or once removed around me. We are at the age where are parents start getting sick and having trouble. It is tough and sad, especially the way the economy is right now. I keep having the feeling that everything is going to be alright. Maybe it is my positive disposition or maybe it is my cymbalta-the fricken expensive Sh*T!!! Ha………So let me see. My webgirl/associate said I need to start spelling and punctuating correctly in my blog. I will try. We are going to make the blog interactive and we have a lot of other exciting plans. Other than that I am drinking a glass of wine, listening to Lady Gaga and blogging.

Speaking of wine. I have not done so well on my hiatus. My clothes still fit but I have a little pooch that is buggin me, and I am not PMSing. I am damned to shed that puppy. I am doing pilates reformer classes now. They always whip my body in to lean shape. I am doing less of the gravity weight and more of the leaning. I felt like I was getting stockier. I feel the best about my body when I do a lot of yoga and pilates. At any rate I have felt like a short, dumpy midget, just like I felt like in High School.

I am listening to Lady Gaga Love Game and one of the lines in it is “I want to take a ride on your disco stick.” Kaylee was singing that the other day. I need to better screen the music now. At least not many people will know what a disco stick is or will they???

So we have been having a nice time with my nephew in town. Eating out a lot. I like his girlfriend but she is only 22. He is a doll. I miss him living out here. He and Neil are as tight as you can get without blood. As Josh said to me, “Dicks before chicks.” Great, what about blood?

Okay the other day we went to see the play “High School Musical” At the JCC. It was cute but fricken looooooooooonnnnnnnnng. The kids enjoyed it. Wills had a few worry spurts which, by the way, are settling down due to his medicine. He has not been worrying as much but is a bit more hyper. Hopefully that is not a side effect. He talks constantly. I swear!

Neil has been doing better. It was difficult having Neil be needy. I had four and a dog that is needy – the dog is barking at me right now. I love Molly but at times I wonder if I should put her down? She barks at me 24 hours a day. When I get down the stairs, she is waiting for me, barking. I could not do that but it is stressful. Don’t ask me where the food goes that I feed her twenty times a day??

Okay, so here are my weekly comical comments from the kid. The other day Wills had a friend over whom had never been to our home before. I saw Wills breaking his back to please his friend. I felt bad for him and remembered that memory all to well. I had to entertain everyone and keep them content, happy and laughing or they would leave, cuz alone I was not enough. That is how I lived the first 13 years of my marriage……..not his fault-mine!! Anyways I now know most days I am lovable with flaws and all but I do forget every now and then. That is why I have such a multitude of friends so if a friendship ends which some do, then I am safe and still have a lot of support and love to give and receive – a defense mechanism. I think I want to find a therapist that takes Blue Cross so I can go and finish what I started with Boundaries.

Today Neil, Wills and I went to lunch. Our fav. local Mex Place and then we went for a walk on the beach. Jac was so happy to be like an only child. They all need that time. He misses Neil when he is gone. I have matured knowing I can be alone. I am craving reading a lot, knowledge, and getting at least nine hours of sleep. I look so forward to getting in bed. That is how I preserve my energy: naps, rest, and a lot of sleep. I usually only stay up past ten once a week.

Gosh I am offtrack. So, anyways, Wills had his friend here and I happened to be on strike that day from cleaning the fricken kitchen, and Wills took notice of it and said to his friend three different times in three different ways,”Hmmm our house is unusually messy today, not sure what that is about.” I was like, you little bugger (in my head of course) and then later when I asked him about it, he said, “Well to be honest I was trying to impress him.” Then I said, “Well if you cleaned up after yourselves and helped me a bit, I would not go on strike.” He said okay and assigned everyone a room.

I have not heard much since that conversation but yesterday he said, “I don’t like people to touch or move my things.” When I replied with,”Then if you are a neat freak what about the house and your room.” He said, “When I own it, I will be much neater.” How do you say Mom=S.L.A.V.E?

And the last thing that Wills said to lift my spirits was asking me what age I am in my head in evolution. How have I evolved at my age from one to ten. I said, “Five, I have a lot to go and a lot to work on.” He gave me a seven and Neil a nine. Then he said his friend Conner’s Mom is a ten, cuz she does not go out, is organized, strict, and does not seem fun and young. I asked him what I meant and he was defensive saying that he loves me the way I am and does not want me to change but I am just more fun, and less strict and I play with them a lot. I said, “I will take that and squeeze out the good part.’

Today I did resolve to try and get to the beach daily and hear the ocean, see the waves, feel the wind and breath in the beauty!

From my-life

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