Praise God

by Amy Cubbison on September 13th, 2009

I praise God for a lot of things, and today I am praising him for filling up my heart and lightening some of the scaredness in my life, as well as giving me hope. I also am praising God because I am blogging. I think I need to change the name to Weekly or biweekly Diary of a housewife. I just feel better when I blog but I also want to preserve memories for my children, albeit there is some bitching in between. My therapist and I have been realizing, that I have put myself out there, and am out there too much. It is sort of a problem because I invited everyone in, and that has caused problems. I sort of like it, and I sort of dont. But let’s just say I don’t go under the radar much. Infact hardly at all. The problem there lies within the time it takes me to stay on radar and the preventive self growth. Anyways as my mother say’s, I need to stop taking my emotional temperature.
Some of the things that are making me feel more hopeful, are that I have been doing a lot of yoga. Love the effects on my body and mind. I also see myself standing up for myself and being able to repell insults or criticisms, or just accept them. It is like “who fricken cares? So what?. It feels good to think that and say that. I know my life still looks somewhat like a train wreck but inside I have made some big changes. I am exersizing my boundry muscle. When it comes to my kids though I will knock someone out. Ha.
I am also feeling hopeful that we found a cute house that is much less expensive and not to far away. I have the urge and need to declutter, and be more organized in all ways. William is tramatized by this and torments me all day about it. He always has something to go on about with me. Then when I bring it to his attention to it, he is upset that he upset me again, It is an example of a deeply loving relationship filled with codependency and manipulation on both parts. We are goign to go to my therapist together and tackle this because it has gotten so out of hand. Not only that but Wills disrespect for me is catching on to Jac. I lost it with Jac for being disrespectful yesterday, and then scolded him. He felt very bad. I just sometimes feel so used and abused. I told my therapist I have the feeling of laying down in the middle of a road and just staying there sometimes. Not to get hit but because something is warm and comforting about the ground. He said that means I am maxed out and giving up. Well that was last week, this week, as I said, I am full of potential and possibilities.
I have some great work ideas and great opportunities. I have the Emmy show coming up. All my kids are getting use to school, even though Kaylee and Wills complain. From behind the scenes I see them working me. Kaylee occasionally has the Kindergarten blues. She is constantly saying that she is now a big girl because she is in kindergarten, as well as complaining that she is too short and everyone tells her constantly. I am trying to make it a good thing. She still gets confused about age and size going together. Her bff, Marina is much taller and six months younger than she. Not to mention she is an avid reader and can snap, both amazing fiascos according to Kaylee. Kaylee told me that Marina still likes to talk Potty talk, and now that Kaylee is in kindergarten she, does not like to do potty talk anymore but just does it to please Marina, and not hurt her feelings. I found that so cute, as if Kindergarten is so mature.
We watched jac’s soccer game yesterday. He is so good and focused on everything about it. He has the fastest kick and is one of the greatest players on his team. He is so darn cute.
Yesterday was a packed day, too packed for me. I planned the last of about seven friend’s bday festivities. Not sure how i got assigned to that, and normally don’t mind but now it is exhausting me. I had the busiest day yesterday including making a homemade cake, which fifty percent of woman and men never eat, and taking Kaylee to her first Kindergarten bday, gym, grocery shop, and organize party. Tired just thinking of it. Right now, we are at my parents, and today has been a very nice, mellow day. I even left my phone at home. I am trying to simplify, and minimize in between being a socialite. I also must say that I am feeling blessed with so many wonderful friends/ and mostly family in my life……….and very fortunate. Now if I can just get Wills to relax a bit, then that would be wonderful. You know its bad when you slap yourself five when he gets a sleepover because it is like a vacation. Love him to death but please…………….Oh and that reminds me of some more Wills stories.

From my-life

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