by Amy Cubbison on October 25th, 2009

I am beginning to resent this blog and how open I am, more and more. I think the day will come soon when I choose to not blog or be so open with all of my feelings. I will learn to keep those feelings for my private diary and or private blog. Facebook is giving me the sensation of being out there, and to much of an exhibitionist I can be. Guilty, not proud
I got involved in some personal drama last night that took me away from being in the moment and enjoying one of my best friend’s fortieth bday party. I left early and was feeling sorry for myself. I am not proud of this behavior and this has happened one to many times lately. I do not like to be a selfish person but I can be and have.So today I am sending my apologies again and hope that it is not too late.
I chose to not go to church today, since I was loving snuggling with Kaylee in bed so much, watching Casper and Wendy. My room has been painted blue and it looks beautiful and feels relaxing. Anyways when I am feeling somewhat upset or emotional I thank God for the love of my children to take me away from myself. It is so healing and wonderful to have these three little darlings to love. I have prayed to God many times today, about this.
I had a customer email me that she was diagnosed with Breast cancer and is now in remission. It broke my heart and touched me that she contacted me. It was a great feeling> She has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, as I have.
Right now just watching movie with kids then taking them to El Callejon with friends for dinner. Kaylee got her haircut in a bob and she looks absolutely adorable. I am kissing her sweet face more than normal. She wanted it and loves it. She keeps looking at herself in the mirror and admiring herself. Ha. Yep the apple does not fall far………lol. We went to La Jolla and had lunch with my parents at one of our old favorites. This week we are going to vacation there, and possibly go to Disneyland.
Jac is the best on his soccer team and it is a shame that all his talent is put to waste.
William discovered paintball with Jac and Neil and they are having a ball.
Kaylee and I hung out all day yesterday and we really enjoyed one another. I was trying to remember every cute thing that came out of her mouth but there were so many that I forgot them. Some that come to mind, are “Life is so exciting and so much to do and so little time.” Or something along those lines. To Kaylee life is just grand. She def. has a mind of her own. Thank goodness. Maybe I will feel cured inside completely when she is in a very loving, healthy relationship with a man. I want someone to adore her as she deserves. She also has been trying so hard to read. Yesterday she told me she does not like three things about herself. one that she can’t read, two or swim totally, and three that a boy ignores her at school. She always comes up with these random comments about school two years ago. She said she was sad because Jeffrey from Enc. Country day was not nice to her. She also told me that she does not want to get married and does want a baby that she adopts but is going to hire someone to change their poopy diaper. ha. Loved that. Anyways, I am slowly learning and growing but it is not easy. I wish it was. I wish I did not have to try so hard or feel as if I do. I just keep remembering that person who I need to love me unconditionally has to be Jesus. Nobody else can fill those shoes, for any of us. I want a baby or a puppy, that always exemplifies the way I am feeling……..and Mom dont’ worry I wont do the first but maybe the second! This week I am staying in and being healthy . Time to really focus on that as I have been trying to do or saying I would do.

From my-life

1 Comment
  1. julie permalink

    I love your blog. You are such an insightful person! Best of luck. Thanks for inspiring me.

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