by Amy Cubbison on October 6th, 2009

I know I sound like a spoiled, ungrateful brat but………I am missing my casa grande. I keep switching my feelings about things which I think is both normal and part hormonal . Today I went by our old house to get the mail and they have it all torn up. I don’t know why but it broke my heart. Broke my heart cuz they are changing it, that it is no longer our home, that I missed MOlly and our lives have all changed. I am trying to stay in the gratitude moment but it is hard for me. I am sorry to God , my mother and anyone who thinks I dont deserve to feel bad or sad but I do. William saw me very upset and he cancelled his playdate. I told him I would be okay but he wanted to be with me and take a walk. I love to see this side to him when he comforts me instead of vica versa. I believe it makes us closer and helps him realize that I am human-ha like anyone would ever not know that about me.
Anyways Kaylee has a playdate over. Her name is Taylor and she is so flippen cute. They keep saying “Fart,’ and “butt.” Taylor has the loudest cutest giggle. They are having a good time. Wills is smitten with Taylor. They just collided in to one another and Kaylee got a bloody nose. She gets those so darn easy.
I definitely feel that I stand out in the neighborhood, that is until I felt like Roseanne at Sandford and Sons junkyard. Not sure why I never identified with Roseanne before but I have been having some feelings of blue collarness, amongst my journey. I hope that came out right and not bad but as they say you can take the girl out of la JOlla but not vica versa.
I came in and cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinner. That always makes me feel better. I still have so much work to do and today I took two steps back> I did not even make it to my much needed biblestudy. I have so much to do and am feeling so much now, that I just stood in pause most of the day. I did call the electric company, water and trash. I also sat outside on the front porch and enjoyed the sunshine with the crisp, fall breeze. It was sort of nice to just sit there where nobobdy knows me, in silence and think or feel, even if my feelings are sadness. I need to feel them for them to pass. Right?
I am going to dinner with a friend, to Taco Tuesday. I sort of just want to go to sleep but I know getting out ffor an hour will be good for me. I went to bed at eight last night. I am having the feeling of going to sleep early every night as well as taking naps everyday. That usually means I am morning. Oh well it is better to be sad than anxious, I always say. Terra

From my-life

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