Happy New Year!!

by Amy Cubbison on January 1st, 2011

Now I can say that with true meaning and feeling in it. I am sort of resigning myself to the fact that my life is going to be different but that I am going to find joy in the circumstances. Last night was the first time since the accident that I got dressed up and felt beautiful and confident. It felt really nice. My mother gave my brother and I Flemings steak house gift certificates so, my brother and I went out together on NEw years and had ourselves a big ol steak. I have been craving a steak for a long time and have not been able to chew one. It was delicious….. We then stopped by my friend Derek’s house on the way home. It was a nice mellow party where I enjoyed myself. I saw a few people that I have not seen yet and they had heard about my accident and so I had to do the explanation but everyone was very kind. People are constantly telling me my face looks younger, my nose and cheek bones are better, and that i look like kaylee more……..Compliments……i will take them………..I spoke to my therapist last week and he asked me how I was, and I went in to how I was healing. He corrected me and said that he did not ask me how I looked? It was insightful and I heard him loud and clear……….but ofcourse I am going to be vain to some degree. Last night, a good friend told me that she would have been freaking out about her looks so much more than I was at first……I said that is because I did not look at myself for a while, and I was on so many pain killers.
I decided I am going to sign up on line for a class towards getting my masters in psychology ……so with that, working for LEave ME B, kid time,friend time, workout time, and a painting class…..I should feel well rounded. I have been standing up for myself, speaking my boundries and concerns to others, realizing I dont’ want to enabled in anyway, and choosing or not choosing people I want to be with or not. It feels very good and empowering!! So right now, I am not able to run to shopping, partying, crushing, running for a popularity contest etc, and I am just left with feeling and dealing with all of my thoughts, fears, and feelings……..so if I can find a love for myself, and a non false confidence relying on outside attention, then I am on my way to true inner peace and acceptance for myself and of myself………that way I can truly parent and love my children in the healthiest way and eventually love others in the healthiest way…..AMEN!

From my-life

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