mama mia

by Amy Cubbison on March 25th, 2011

Mama mia………Not sure why I am using that expression and I have not heard or said it in a long time but no rules in blogging……..freedom to express, free write with no grammar, or punctuation……despite my mother’ the English major…….anyways had a bad few days. It turns out I had pms but on top of that, I stopped taking my pain pills because I did not want to have any dependence on them and I felt terrible. I then researched it and you are not suppose to just stop them abruptly. I felt weird, nauseaus, headache, and insomnia, not to mention weird thoughts. and realized my pain is still there more than I knew. I went to the doctors yesterday for my third epirual and he said since my herniated disk is so large and not getting better that he recommends surgery. As I said I am frightened to go back to the hospital but it will just be a couple days and I am more frightened of having daily pain. I want to run and play with my children and feel great daily like I use to. I literally stayed in bed all day yesterday and cried. Okay I was playing sad songs to help myself along with the crying…..ha ha. It must have been therapeutic because I am much better today. I do have some concerns, and legitimate fears lately as well as sadness from closing some chapters……….I have also been sensitmentizing (is that a word?) about some people in my past. I have been having that empty feeling of craving someone to love me so much when I realized a little while back, after my accident that has to be me…… is not always so easy, oh and of course Jesus, as I was so kindly reminded by a facebook friend……………Went to Donovan’s with my parents last night. It was a really nice treat. I have not had much of an appetite and I ate a steak the size of new york, and it tasted yummy!!!………….William is going to bed late and so cranky and always yelling or complaining to us lately. It is very stressful. When I call it to his attention, he feels bad. It is also his hormones……great a house full of hormones…………anyways my friend is picking me up for the gym. I am excited to start school. My start date is 31st, I kept having to postpone it due to my fear of paperwork and other life happenings. I faced my fear…………My mother told me I was obsessed with my children yesterday and I at first was upset but then I realized she has a point but for me, I’d rather over love and be over attentitive than not……………….that is all folks!!! For now.

From my-life

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