William deleted me

by Amy Cubbison on June 14th, 2011

I wrote a loooonnng blog entry and WIlliam deleted it. I was so frustrated because I felt that I had a lot to say…and writing helps me figure out my thoughts and feelings. It brings clarity but it can be intense. Then I don’t have the energy to recreate it. I guess this goes with the new me, that does not have to write or tell everyone or anyone, for that matter, how I am feeling…….A lil mystery!! Ha. I am feeling much more calm this week. I did my relaxation cd and meditated and I forgot how important that is for me to do. Everything rushes through my mind until it all settles down and I am in the moment. I am not letting anyone tell me fearful things that I can do nothing about anymore. It takes me out of the moment. I need to prepare and be responsible but enjoy now, because that is all we have….Speaking of being in the moment–my father is in the hospital. He has an infection. He is stable now but I spent the day at hospital with him. I was crying so hard this morning. I get so scared. Then I talked with him and he was aware and I felt better. He slept most of the day. He is so handsome and I love him so much. The care was very sweet and the nurse really tried to convince me that Dad would be okay. There are some cute guy nurses………I pray for my Father and my mother to have the strength to get through this. Speaking of being in the moment-I sat there reading a book next to my mother and kept thinking-my father is breathing, not in pain and alive-I am not in pain, feeling calm, reading and sitting with my mother and we are all healthy. It was a nice awareness. I kept thinking about how my babies are all in school and they are safe and well. Btw Peter said to me something that is so simple but so true and a good reminder-I am the Mama bear and they are my cubs and I will do everything to protect them, and they are my responsibility. It just puts everything in to perspective and takes any selfish thoughts I may have had mixing around in my head………….Today William was honored twice. He was honored in a breakfast for his amazing writing skills by his teacher and then by his class he was honored at a luncheon for being gifted……I was proud although he almost hid it from me……Today we were driving and these young guys were looking at me and William got so uncomfortable. I am not sure if they were looking good or not but It brought a flashback in my head from when I was a teen and my parents use to embarrass me………I hope that was not the case but you never know …………Have to work on my grad school work, things that I missed………catch you later……….pray for my father please.

From my-life

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